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Newbie July 2020 Ontario

covid Brides - We're married but...

Hannah, on August 18, 2020 at 14:54 Posted in Just married 0 4

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Hello hello!

My husband (so fun to say that) and myself got married exactly one month ago this past July. We planned, hmm I don't know how many different version of our micro ceremony/reception. It was only two weeks before the day we had somewhat of a plan aka we had our guest list at 26 people (down from 160), we finally had a location and officiant. In those two weeks it all fell into place. Well the day before and the day of the wedding I felt I was always barking orders at people, it was not enjoyable for me, all of a sudden I felt like I was a bridezilla and I was a bit cranky, of course you hire people for this but I was the one everyone asked questions to and being pulled in so many directions. I also feel like I missed spending quality time with my people, even when I was getting my hair and makeup done I was pretty much alone with my stylist as my bridesmaids coming and going doing tasks I had assigned. Basically the day of was so stressful, I was my own wedding decorator, florist and co-coordinator. Some family members or friends I've explained that to just say Oh it was so perfect, you looked beautiful and/or everyone's wedding day is stressful - just how it goes. Well no, a COVID wedding and being a COVID bride, you cannot compare that to any other weddings, I think it is a completely different experience. I guess I feel robbed in a way, and we do have our big 160 guest wedding next year with our original venue and vendors but I am having trouble moving past it all I guess. I know it's out of our control and we did what was best for us as a couple but I feel no one involved really understands it so I cannot express my feelings without someone down playing them. We even received our wedding photos and I asked people not to share them on social media to keep some element of surprise and mystery for our guests next year. Maybe I am just trying so hard to hold onto something that's impossible, to try to have a normal experience but I already have weird feelings that we have two weddings and now feel more bridezilla asking people not to post any pictures of the micro ceremony. Can anyone relate to this experience or have words of wisdom to help me come to terms with this all? I do not even feel excited for next year, two weddings woof!

Thanks for taking the time to read!

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Latest activity by Jessica, on October 16, 2020 at 19:48

Beginner February 2021 Saskatchewan
Jessica · On October 16, 2020 at 19:48
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I'm in the middle of that circus now! We are getting married February 27th & our list is at 100 people, subdivided for the sake of cuts as needed closer to the day. We booked a venue bigger than we needed to help with any social distancing issues at the time (yay pre-planning for total uncertainty). It's stressing me out because although my Fiancé and I are rolling with it best we can, one of my wedding party has been making things more difficult & I'm at the point of wondering if I can just flat out lay it out on the line and ask if she wants out because she is in a covid panick. I feel bad but like I have enough stress as a Covid Bride that I can't be managing in again/out again party members.

The worst is planning for what you hope for (60ppl) but also being prepped for a reduced number... catering doesn't work with this. You pay the highest quote number regardless. We are thinking to send weddig invites with RSVP date and note that reception details will follow that way people will pull themselves out at RSVP and then we can assess and deal wjth Covid numbers closer to before sending reception details. I guess after that rant, we just want to get married and start the next stage of our lives rather than putting it off for a year in hopes things change when they could be the same or worse. Just don't need the added stress involved as Covid does enough itself!
I'm glad yours worked out. Even though it wasn't your dream, you still managed to make it special.
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Top August 2017 Ontario
Vinod · On August 19, 2020 at 14:27
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Micro managing a wedding during the covid isn't easy as it seems. Its just taking on many aspects of the décor set up along with everything. Everyone was trying to ease you down to be more relaxed as they were doing everything possible as you wanted. Its not easy being the bride knowing what can go wrong provided the vendors service can't be as good now as keeping near the guests.
Sometimes we need to take a step back and just say its our day and the best is yet to come. As for the pictures, yes I do agree that you have the right to hold off on them being posted so all the guests present and to show up next year will see them all as you celebrate properly.
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Master October 2020 New Brunswick
Amelia · On August 18, 2020 at 18:07
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I think you are right to feel the emotions you're feeling. You nailed it on the head when you said that a covid wedding isn't like a normal one. We are going through an already stressful time while dealing with mountains of uncertainty (I'm still wondering if the second wave could take our wedding back to basic and legal) and so much change and sacrifice.

I keep talking about how anything that doesn't go well this year, I get a do-over on next year. You can learn from the stress ans maybe invest in a week of/day of coordinator. Or you can plan events with people like spa days or lunch dates so you can take some time to focus on them and take a few hours away from planning and organizing.
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Curious August 2020 Alberta
Emilie · On August 18, 2020 at 16:55
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Hello Hannah,
There isn't much you can do about how your micro ceremony went. How ever if you want a more pleasant experience for your big celebration I'd suggest getting a wedding planner do month-of coordination. It might be out of the budget sometimes even just a vendor coordinator can make your day that much more pleasant. As for the photo's you can try to send an email to your guests from this explaining that you want to have things as surprises for the other guests. If someone still posts on social media you can politely ask them to take it down. I know it means that maybe the surprise will be ruined. My families mantra during the week before my wedding was "if something goes wrong the only one that will know is you" meaning that the guests don't often see the missing details. My best advice is to relax enjoy some time with your loved ones and when your ready start planning again but ask for help hope this helps
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