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Beginner June 2022 Ontario

Catholic and living together

Amanda, on January 12, 2020 at 16:40 Posted in Wedding ceremony 0 15
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Question for you catholic brides out there.. my fiance and I are both Catholics, and have been away from attending church for a while... We are both 30 yrs old and have been living together for 2.5 yrs. We know living together is a no-no, but are, I guess more liberal, and with the times, and budget. We just had an introductory meeting with our monsingor at our chruch we recently started attending. He questioned us living together. To which we had no answer, other than yes.... Felt totally caught of guard. He said we could discuss it later, and then continued to chat with us about what we do for a living. He did book us a second appointment to discuss more details, so I guess overall went ok... looking for some advise moving forward with these meetings.

15 Comments

Latest activity by Megan, on January 19, 2020 at 00:25
  • Megan
    Curious July 2020 British Columbia
    Megan ·
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    My FH and I ran in something similar with our pastors during our first pre-marital counselling session. Ours was a bit different though, as I'm best friends with their daughter (shes one of my 2 bridesmaids), we've had a good relationship with them and they already knew we lived together. When this inevitably came up, we all knew biblically speaking that the bible does not explicitly discuss anything against living together before marriage, only sexual immorality. At the end of the day, they expressed they just wanted us to not be placing ourselves in a position where we'd be distancing ourselves from God because of our decisions, and we have worked together to create a pre-marital counselling plan that better suits our situation! (we are nondenominational christian if that adds any context)


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  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    We didnt lie to our priest. when he asked we both said we lived together. theres no point in lying we need to change them in their thinking and how it is OK to live together. but he was fine with it

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  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    We didnt lie we told them we live together. honestly times have changed and we need movement on this. like couples need to live together first so they have less fights etc after marriage. we didnt lie to to our priest we were in our we live together and have the same address

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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    My FHs church has more than one priest and we were actually able to choose ours!


    Is your church the same or is there only one priest?
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  • S
    Expert September 2020 Quebec
    Shannon ·
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    Hi amanda ,

    Just a suggestion, I would look into a second priest to "interview" while your waiting on the first one. It's never a bad idea to look around the market, so to say.

    And as others said, you living together should not be a problem.

    Let us know how it turns out.

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  • S
    Expert September 2020 Quebec
    Shannon ·
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    Yes this is what I would think on my interviews. So I know the feeling. Good luck.

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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Not catholic and unknowing of living together aspect of it. It seems the Priest may have some issues with the idea of you two in one home before marriage. The times have changed and lots of couples are living together now adays. You can admit to living together and have to accept what comes along the way to work around it.

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  • Geneviève
    VIP September 2020 Ontario
    Geneviève ·
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    I’d definitely have a talk with your priest to get a gauge on his conservatism. If he’s weird about you living together beforehand, he might get weird about your discussions of children and birth control (which is part of the premarital course). Hopefully it was just a misunderstanding and he’s good to work with.
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  • A
    Beginner June 2022 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    That's not a bad idea. Great suggestion. Make it more a conversation rather than feeling like we are being "scolded " so to speak.
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  • A
    Beginner June 2022 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    We havent started them yet.
    We were told to email the pastor to get the ball rolling and to introduce ourselves after mass. Which we did and he preceded to invite us into his office. Which is when he asked where we live and noticed I had said "we live near...."
    He seems super friendly and not that conservative, just caught us off guard when he responded "hold up I thought we were discussing a marriage".
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  • S
    Expert September 2020 Quebec
    Shannon ·
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    Hi Amanda,

    Moving forward I would jump right in and ask about his feelings on living together before marriage?

    Just like he is getting to know you, you want to get to know him.

    Ask if this is something he does often? Hopefully he has and can easily guide you in the process.


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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    We met with our priest twice only - have you completed your marriage preparation classes yet?


    I’m not catholic but FH is (although not really practicing). Our priest was super understanding to the fact that I was different and wasn’t religious.
    I think you’ll find a lot of priests aren’t super conservative and they’re open to different lifestyles, ways of thinking, etc.
    Your marriage won’t be rejected because you live together if that’s your concern.
    Be open and honest going forward like you have been and you won’t have any problems!
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  • M
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Meaghan ·
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    I agree completely!
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  • A
    Beginner June 2022 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    Thanks Meaghan! We will see how subsequent meetings go. I think if he wasnt ok with it, he wouldnt have made another appointment with us.
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  • M
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Meaghan ·
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    I grew up Catholic but I am no longer Catholoc and didn't get married in the church. Having said that, I do know many who have. Even for Catholics, a huge percentage of couples live together before marriage. Priests are used to this.
    I have heard of priests requesting the couple to abstain from intimacy until the wedding. I've also heard pre-cana classes sometimes change material slightly for couples who are living together vs those who are not.
    I think you will be just fine. But, as in all situations, if you are made to feel uncomfortable you can end the meeting and leave.Good luck!
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