Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Frequent user November 2018 Alberta

Bridezilla About The Bachelorette

Casey, on September 9, 2018 at 11:36 Posted in Before the wedding 0 21

Saved

Dispute
Hide content

So my maid of honor started planning, didnt want to step on toes but I did say like lets have dinner and drinks out, everyone can end up at my place later. As the plans went on and she let me know, it ended up being a pot luck at my house all night... I ended up having to postpone the party because we are moving the weekend originally planned and now I'm feeling more adamant to get what I want from this party since we have more time to plan. Now don't get me wrong I'm not looking to go to the strippers or pub crawl all night BUT I typically party (beerpong and board games) at home ALL THE TIME. Staying home for this one day seems super unappealing to me. I feel like if they keep planning it that way I might as well just cancel cause I can do that any old weekend.
It's a bachelorette... like I expressed we get a party bus for transportation, that way we can fo a scavenger hunt, then escape room and go for dinner and drinks at a pub before going home.
Party Bus will cost each girl $20, Escape Room $25, DRinks $25, a neal $25 - my maid of honor keeps gripeing about cost... 1 this cost is $100 for a night out... she keeps insisting on lowering cost... thats fine but I think everyone who says yes to going, understands there will be a cost involved and we have till Oct.20th to save that whole $100... I also told her like let the girls know in advance the estimated cost, 1 night out then back to my place isn't gonna kill anyone, or break banks. Dunno I must just be a petty bride... I already know my FH got to go golfing and to a football game plus stripper and bar no problem, no one said a darn thing about cost, nobody was like making plans for him to stay home and have a house party so I expect the same I guess.

Dispute
Hide content

21 Comments

Latest activity by Melissa, on September 12, 2018 at 13:25

Frequent user September 2018 Quebec
Melissa · On September 12, 2018 at 13:25
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I agree with the part about it being rude to force the bride to host at her place. When I planned my friend’s bachelorette, she offered her place and we brought all the alcohol and decor, but it was just for getting ready to go out part and sleeping at the end of the night.

However, in my experience, these parties can be expensive to throw when people are already spending money to attend the wedding, plus a gift, etc. When I planned that bachelorette, I ended up covering most of the costs for the bride, decor and alcohol. And a lot of people who told me they’d help pay for activities didn’t give me anything in the end. I did it for my friend, but it did cost me more than I budgeted for.
- Reply
Frequent user January 2021 Alberta
Sara · On September 12, 2018 at 12:48
Dispute

Hide content
Depending on your age and where your friends are at in life, $100 may be a bit too much for people to spend on a night out. However, your MOH is being pretty inconsiderate by trying to force a bachelorette party on you that is nothing like what you want. It's also rude of her to throw you a party at your own place... If she is the host, it should be at her place (unless, of course, you forced the bach planning onto her in the first place).
I'd say try to find a compromise - tell her you want to go OUT. Dinner and a bar or two. You could cut the Escape Room and the party bus, and go out to a restaurant and bars that are walking distance from each other, then split cabs or ubers there and back if you all meet up at one place and end up at one place. Or perhaps you can ask a few of the SO's to pick your drunk asses up at the end of the night haha
- Reply
Devoted September 2018 Nova Scotia
Kay · On September 10, 2018 at 14:13
Dispute

Hide content
$100 for one night is A LOT of money for some people. I wouldn't assume that $100 is no big deal for some people, when you add in other expenses relating to your wedding (bridal shower, etc, etc.)
That being said, if you wanted a certain type of party, and you aren't getting that.... Then have a discussion with your bridal party. If you are adamant about the type of party (party bus, bar, blah blah blah) then I'd be prepared for not everybody being able to go due to the financials.
- Reply
Beginner July 2019 Alberta
Brandi · On September 10, 2018 at 14:08
Dispute

Hide content
It is your party If you want to get out of the house and have a good time you should tell them. My opinion is if they want to be at your bachelorette party they can help with the cost. But it doesn't have to cost a 100, but you also deserve a fun night out not having to spend it at home, and if it's such a big deal they should tell you then you can come up with a different plan but still able to get out.
- Reply
VIP September 2020 Ontario
Geneviève · On September 10, 2018 at 13:59
Dispute

Hide content
It sounds to me like you and your party really need to have a conversation about this party and what everyone is willing to do. Expenses like this are pretty expected for bridal parties, but finances might also be a really sore spot for some of your entourage. It also sounds like your MOH is being really inflexible which isn't helping matters. If you all sit and talk, that should air it all out and that way the MOH isn't the middle-man for the rest of your bridal party. It sounds like what you need as a solution though is something in the middle.
Sure a potluck is nice but like you said, it's boring for the whole night. Perhaps there's a way that you can have the potluck for the first couple of hours, then hit the town for the remainder of the evening. That way too if anyone really, really can't afford to go out, they can head home after the potluck. If you all sit down and talk though, I'm sure there's a way everyone can go out without killing anyone's pocketbook, even if it means just hitting one bar or doing free stuff for part of the evening.
- Reply
Frequent user July 2019 Ontario
Lucy · On September 10, 2018 at 13:30
Dispute

Hide content
Honestly, you have no idea about anyone else’s financial situation. They are telling you they can’t afford the $100, so you either need to change your “vision” of the night, accept that they can’t come or pony up the money yourself.

Money is very tight for us right now, having to spend an extra $100 would mess up our budget for the next few months. And if I was forced/guilted onto spending that money to prove what a good friend I was, I would resent to hell out of the person doing the pressuring and I doubt we would be friends for too much longer.
- Reply
Devoted October 2019 Ontario
Amanda · On September 10, 2018 at 07:26
Dispute

Hide content
Asking for them to pay $100 each is not unreasonable to me. If you are willing to pay for everything for them on the day of the wedding, than I can see why you are asking for this. I have no idea what I'm doing for my bachelorette party but I did say I want to go out and not sit at home.
- Reply
Top October 2019 Manitoba
Tori · On September 9, 2018 at 19:43
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
Unfortunately times change. All you can do is adjust to them or be left behind...
Just like weddings no longer cost $10,000 and now cost upwards of $30,000 the wedding party is EXPECTED to do their part or at very minimum be open about their financial situation and let the Bride & Groom know how much they are able to afford so that we know what we are working with.
As for people declining being apart of the wedding party - would you really want somebody in your wedding party who isn't comfortable telling you that they can't afford to be in the party? If I ask somebody to be in the party then it's because we are close enough for them to confide in me about this.
As for the wedding I would say that the dresses and suit rentals are paid for by the B&G as well as the hair and MUA, etc. So seeing as how "back in the day" parents paid for that and now 20 year olds that are paying for their own wedding while still having debt from University and from the fact that the housing market is pretty bad is COMPLETELY understandable IMO.
- Reply
Frequent user November 2018 Alberta
Casey · On September 9, 2018 at 19:26
Dispute

Hide content
Was I suposse to know that wasnt directed at me? Again its all matter of opinion but the only person out of 15 people is my MOH who doesnt want to even spend on decorations... yes it makes me petty and annoyed, I did come to ask if I was being unreasonable but I guess I am, good thing I'm only getting married once, this whole thing has been emotionally difficult
- Reply
Frequent user November 2018 Alberta
Casey · On September 9, 2018 at 19:20
Dispute

Hide content
Yup... I asked my friends to spend hundreds of dollars... did you read the responses? I AM PAYING FOR EVERYTHING OUT OF MY POCKET, MY MONEY FOR THEM AS WELL, their clothes hair make up transportation and their spouses who are groomsmen, Thats how it should be, again I asked for 1 night to go out and you jumped right to conclusions, didnt even have the odacity to ask before judging me. Yup Im selfish bitch who has been demanding the world of my best friends, because I wanted to do a party not at my house..
- Reply
Expert December 2018 Ontario
Emma · On September 9, 2018 at 19:15
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I was not personally attacking you. My comment is about attitudes I see more and more.

My comment was actually in response to someone else who said people should expect to spend money when they are in a wedding party.

But you want ro block me go right ahead. Won’t hurt my feelings one bit.
- Reply
Frequent user November 2018 Alberta
Casey · On September 9, 2018 at 19:12
Dispute

Hide content
Wow thats really unfortunate, I said I was NOT expecting that I just want to leave my house for a night, if you continue to attack me without reading my answers I will block you
- Reply
Frequent user November 2018 Alberta
Casey · On September 9, 2018 at 19:10
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I'm not having a bridal shower, nor are they paying for their dresses or shoes. I'm not registered for marital gifts nor asking for any. I have 15 girls who said lets make a plan... from camping at a friends cabin, MOH shut it down... to using my mother in laws house as a place to throw it, again shut down... I asked about a scavenger hunt that we could all put together to get out, again shut down... if it cost more than $10 its exnayed regardless. I gave you an example idea of something we talked about
- Reply
Frequent user November 2018 Alberta
Casey · On September 9, 2018 at 19:02
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
Exactly lol I'm a mother of 2 so getting out with my friends doesn't happen often so I guess I just figured perfect excuse would be the bachelorette. Typically we have the potluck style partys at our house (or we all pitch on pizza)as it is so I guess as I said I may be petty but I want something different, hell even to go out and play pool for a couple hours - we are still going back to my place at the end of the night (9ish) I have a full bar in my basement and again I dont want like limos, hotel rooms, spa day, $100 champagne bottles, just a different atmosphere and a safe way to get home.
- Reply
Top October 2019 Manitoba
Tori · On September 9, 2018 at 18:53
Dispute

Hide content
I am completely with you on this! Your wedding party should expect to be not only paying for themselves to have a night out for the bachelorette but that they will be splitting the bill so that you are not paying whatsoever.
I would bring it to their attention by saying something along the lines of "So, seeing as how the bachelorette got postponed a bit I would love if we might be able to change the plans a bit? I know the plan was a potluck but I was hoping we could go out for the night and show off the fact that I am celebrating my last few days not as a wife. I was thinking we could *insert what you had said you wanted*. Let me know if you guys would be fine with that - I just figured it would be more exciting and if those aren't something you guys would be interested in doing maybe we could get together and brainstorm some activities?"
If they still don't get the hint and insist on the potluck that's when I would just say "K, lol I am sorry but I reeeeeeallly was hoping you guys would be into that Is there any way that we could do maybe two parties so that I still get a night where we get to do these things that I want to do?" - and no I don't expect them to want to do 2 parties but this will let you say that you are fine with what they want but it lets them know that you would clearly rather do what you want.
Good luck - let us know what happens!
- Reply
Expert December 2018 Ontario
Emma · On September 9, 2018 at 15:19
Dispute

Hide content
I understand it’s your party. But it’s very possible that people don’t have the money to spend. Are they also paying for their dresses etc? And buying you shower gifts etc? How would you feel if someone had to choose between your bachelorette party and eating for the week or paying their phone bill?

Honestly I think pushing for a party that would cost each person $100 when people have stressed issues about the cost is very selfish. It sounds like they were trying to do what they could for you within their means.
- Reply
VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On September 9, 2018 at 13:16
Dispute

Hide content
It's your bachelorette so you definitely deserve the one you want! I get for some the cost may be too much, there are ways you can probably alter the night to lower that it in the end it's still your night and you shouldn't have to change what you really want and settle for something else. Talk to your MOH and the other girls that will be invited, figure out everyone's budget of what they are willing to spend and go from there. I am sure you can all figure something out that is what you want.
- Reply
Expert October 2018 Saskatchewan
Clarissa · On September 9, 2018 at 12:50
Dispute

Hide content
I agree that you need to be honest with them about it (and with the whole group planning not just one single gIrl). But I would be careful not to word it as “if it’s just a potluck at home I’m just going to cancel because that’s not special enough”. However, if that’s how it was brought up and I was in the bridal part it would feel like a slap in the face. I totally get where your coming from on this though. You want to feel special and do something a bit out of the ordinary to celebrate with your girls. So just be careful of the wording as I don’t think that’s how your intending to come off.

Also, when it comes to the cost at the end of the day you can’t dictate how people spend or save their money. It’s easy to look at it as we have 2 months to save $100 each. But for some people may already have plans that are taking that extra $100. I agree though that if it does require money from the people going then you should breakdown the cost ahead of time to let everyone know what it will be and where the money is going to. And if everyone agrees that the cost is too much then look to find a compromise or else you might have to offer to foot the bill yourself for one part of it.
- Reply
Frequent user September 2018 Quebec
Melissa · On September 9, 2018 at 12:11
Dispute

Hide content
I can understand your point, but it is possible that some people aren’t going to want to spend that kind of money or even have that available. And depending on their schedules, people may not attend all the activities therefore driving up the cost per person for certain activities. I definitely agree on being honest and open about the budget, but is it possible your MOH knows everyone’s budgets and is trying to let you know people can’t afford the $100. Hope it works out!
- Reply

Curious September 2020 Ontario
Kelly · On September 9, 2018 at 11:48
Dispute

Hide content
It’s your bachelorette! I would speak up and let her know how you’re feeling, if cost is that much of an issue then maybe you can cut back on something, such as the escape room, but still find a way to go out. You deserve a night about you that you’ll enjoy!
- Reply