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Danielle
Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba

Bridesmaids - who to make MOH

Danielle, on September 16, 2019 at 11:11 Posted in Before the wedding 0 13
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(If a mod can delete my other post that would be great - this app isn't working well for me)

I've got 3 friends that are all tied for MOH. I need help picking one!

Friend A: I've known her the shortest amount of time but I see her the most (she lives in a small settlement about an hour and a half away). We didn't always have the best relationship but it's improved a lot recently. Her husband will be Best Man on FH's side. She has also already offered to help however she can and has asked if she can come to wedding shows with me since she never got to go for her wedding.

Friend B: I've known her since grade 12 and we talk almost every day. Unfortunately she lives in Texas so she's quite far. We've actually never met in person, but we've video chatted and stuff.

Friend C: I've known her since grade 3 or 4. She moved away and we lost touch but reconnected about 6 or 7 years ago. Sadly she also lives quite far (Barrie, ON). We talk a lot but not really about the deep stuff. I still consider her a very good friend though.

I'm leaning more toward A for logistical reasons, but idk. Help?

Oh and I've already confirmed with both of the out-of-province girls that they will actually be in attendance. They both say they wouldn't miss it! Smiley smile

13 Comments

Latest activity by Danielle, on September 16, 2019 at 16:00
  • Danielle
    Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba
    Danielle ·
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    Oh yeah for sure lol I'm not claiming innocence in the situation at all! It was kind of a situation where all four of us were kinda nasty in some way to at least one other person, although she was the most innocent of us all. Like her husband said nasty things, FH didn't stick up for me, I went off on her husband, and she just held a grudge for a while lol.

    I'm not going to ask anytime soon but since I'm a planner I find it really hard to have unknowns!
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  • Danielle
    Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba
    Danielle ·
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    Honestly I love them all and don't see myself falling out with any of them. I think if I drift apart from any of them it will be C first, then B. But unless A leaves her husband or something and totally cuts all of us off I really don't see us drifting apart even if we're not always the best of friends. We're kind of stuck with each other now LOL. She can be super opinionated if you piss her off and she likes to make her opinion known but mostly she's really nice and easy to get along with. I included the bit about her husband being best man just to basically indicate that she'll likely always be in my life since our men are best friends.

    I'm going to hold off from asking for quite a while just in case but it is something that has been bugging me. I'm somewhat Type A so having unknowns bothers me.
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  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    I chose not to have a MOH as i cant pick between all 5 of my girls! im just actually having my cousin sign as the witness! who do you think you will still be talking too in 5 or 10 years from now? do you see yourself drifting from any of them? based on strictly what you have said above i would pick friend A as you see her the most not for the reason her husband is the best man

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  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn ·
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    Well that's good. Just make sure you have support is all. I had to fire a bridesmaid for being very unsupportive (making awful comments about how much weight I've lost and that I didn't deserve to. Ect.)
    And 3 out of 4 groomsmen are very flighty and haven't helped with a single thing leading up to the wedding. I just hate to hear that people went through similar struggles.
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  • Danielle
    Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba
    Danielle ·
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    Honestly I would be happy if my bachelorette party consisted of a weekend-long Harry Potter marathon on someone's living room floor and some wine lol. I don't need some extravagant Vegas trip or night out clubbing.

    I have no doubts about friend A's willingness to help. And since she's the closest she'll be the most available. But honestly, since we have so much time before the wedding we're pretty much planning to select everything now (or in the next year or so), and then when they open booking for our time frame we'll just snap up our date for everything and be done. And then 6 months to a year out we'll get the dresses and stuff done. Then I can do some DIY stuff myself and have parties for the larger projects (like the favours) that would go faster with more people. So I honestly really don't anticipate needing *that* much help. Maybe 2 or 3 weekends' worth.
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  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn ·
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    I will say friend A sounds the most reasonable choice. But I will also say make sure you choose someone reliable because if you don't you will end up with a headache later. A MOH needs to be organized, willing to help and financially stable somewhat (since they pay for bridal shower and batchelorette ect.) Its all well to choose a friend but not at your own expense.
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Tori has a great point - you have just under 3 years until your wedding. I wouldn't worry about choosing a MOH until a year before (June 2022). Friendships change, as you already know, so thinking about it closer to the date might be easier.

    That being said, you also don't need a MOH - especially if it isn't a clear-cut choice. Your wedding party can be just bridesmaids: you just need someone to sign as a witness on your marriage license.

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    I agree with person A. I've read the other comments and although there was a problem in the beginning I assume your FH was forgiven for not standing up for you or mentioning it to you when it was texted so I see no reason not to go forward. To be fair if somebody were to go off on my FH like how I imagine I would then I get why they wouldn't be too pleased with me.

    If at the current moment you are closest to her and that's truly all in the past - I say to ask her.

    BUT WAIT!!! lol You don't need to be making any decisions yet!!! You have literal years before the wedding and who knows - what if you have a falling out with who you ask to be MOH or gain a new friend that you click with better and end up regretting who you asked? I waited until the 1 year mark to officially ask any of my BM's. (My sister is my MOH so I asked her asap because well... my mind would only change if she got preggo and didn't want to be MOH or if she died...)


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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    Totally up to you girl! Choose whomever your gut tells you!
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  • Danielle
    Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba
    Danielle ·
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    He made them to FH (that's how I found out; FH asked me to send him a text from his phone and forgot that was the last conversation they had since they don't text much - they usually call and then get together - and it had been a while). This was before they really knew me which I know isn't an excuse but honestly it was either make nice and get over it or walk away. It was easier to get over it than hold a grudge so meh. We've all moved on since then and it just doesn't get brought up anymore.
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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    He was making these comments about you to her? If that was the case, not sure I could forgive that.

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  • Danielle
    Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba
    Danielle ·
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    The problem mostly stemmed from her husband (then-boyfriend) making comments about me behind my back that I found out about. I kinda went off on him and he apologized and we made up but it took her a long time to forgive me for going off on him like that. We've all been more than fine in recent years though Smiley smile
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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    I agree with your assessment - I would probably choose Friend A as well because she's local. However, you mention you do not always have the best relationship? I'm not sure what the context is there, however, if this isn't someone whose really supportive and in your corner, perhaps it's best if they aren't MOH.

    You can always just have them all as bridesmaids too - you do not need a MOH if you're not fully comfortable.


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