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Chantelle
Curious May 2022 British Columbia

Bridesmaid wants to bring husband and baby to my bachelorette weekend.

Chantelle, on November 19, 2021 at 01:25 Posted in Before the wedding 0 16
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My MOH planned bachelorette party weekend in wine country a few hours from our town for wineries, spa, and girl time. All of the bridal party is going and some other friends. About half of the people going are mothers of children from a under a year old to toddlers. One of them has asked to bring her 18 month old baby and husband along, and have them stay in a room in the hotel so she can sleep with them at night and be with her baby as she wants.

The rest of my group is telling me to tell her no, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable. I asked her if there was a reason she needed them there (breast feeding, her husband can't) and she said her husband told her to go, he's fine but she just doesn't want to spend time away from her child. I said ok do what you need to do, but the other girls want me to tell her no and its inappropriate, and the rest of them are leaving their kids with their fathers for the 2 days and she's ruining the trip.

I honestly don't know what to do, I am not a parent myself so I can't relate to the situation, and I don't want her being worried all weekend, but I also don't want the other girls to feel the trip is ruined.


Any advice ?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Hank, on November 20, 2021 at 01:35
  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank Online
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    Whoops, not sure why I thought Niagara for some reason Smiley xd I saw wineries and spa and just assumed hahahaha

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  • Chantelle
    Curious May 2022 British Columbia
    Chantelle
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    Yea hopefully he won't come. Also we are in BC on the coast, so definitely not going to Niagara 馃槄
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
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    If I were the husband, I would bow out of the wineries. One of them have to stay sober with a kid so it makes no sense for him to drag the little one around while she drinks. And there are plenty of things to do in Niagara. I'm sure he'll find something in close proximity to where your activities are without intruding on your festivities.

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  • Chantelle
    Curious May 2022 British Columbia
    Chantelle
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    This was her husbands idea I think hahaha but sounds like my future sister in law wants to bring her baby and husband too now. So maybe they can hangout together hahaha

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  • Jacquie
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Jacquie
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    I kinda doubt her husband even wants to do that. There鈥檚 no way my fianc茅 would have followed me with our toddler to just hang out with her in a hotel room, while I went out and partied 馃槀.


    But if she really wanted to do it, I don't think it will affect your bachelorette at all.
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  • Carmel
    Featured December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel
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    I think it'll be alright and honestly - sounds like it's totally the right thing for you! Don't let the other girls issues with it get to you. My friends who had kids before mine or others bach's could NOT WAIT for the weekend getaways 馃ぃ馃槀 they wanted to go the furthest. I see both sides (also depending on age).
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  • Stacey Tc
    Devoted August 2022 Saskatchewan
    Stacey Tc
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    This is a tricky situation but people know what's involved in being in a wedding party.
    I can see both sides here but I'm guessing that she was pregnant before agreeing to be involved.

    My bridal attendant(R) was 6 months pregnant when I asked her and I discussed having a young child and what she'd be comfortable with. On the otherside of the coin, my MOH has a son a couple of months older but she also has a 5 year old, 8 year old and 9.5 year old. MOH is looking for any excuse to get away from the kids. I have a chat with R and MOH and we discuss what everyone is comfortable with.
    I don't see a problem with husband and baby coming and staying in a different room especially if you're fine with it. I do, however, personally think that bringing them to events is weird, it's suppose to be your weekend.

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  • Chantelle
    Curious May 2022 British Columbia
    Chantelle
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    Yea that is my worry she wont be happy if they don't come. Even when her and I have gone for coffee for an hour or so without her baby, she is constantly checking in with her husband or her mom (whoever he is with). I am one of the last ones to get married (most of us are in our 30's) so I kind of expected a low key party since so many are mothers of young children. I was surprised they planned an out of town trip at all. Some of the kids are my nieces and nephews, and my friends kids I am close with as well (honorary aunt), so I am use to little kids and love them all. I am not bothered myself by their presence. I am always the aunt who is ignoring the adults and playing with all the kids, that may be my biggest issue if they come haha.

    I am semi worried my friend will feel unincluded since she knows the other group members are not for this. But my sister is law now is saying she would like to also bring her 7 month old and husband so maybe it will be alright?

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  • Chantelle
    Curious May 2022 British Columbia
    Chantelle
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    I think she is planning to bring them to the events (some of them at least). I am not sure of all the events since some is a surprise, but she told me anything over 3 hours that they can't come to, she will have to stay back with them. I am not sure what the 3 hour part is about. I am flexible so I understand you gotta do what you gotta do.

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  • Chantelle
    Curious May 2022 British Columbia
    Chantelle
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    Yea its a hard one, it would be nice to have a child free weekend and just my girlfriends, but its not always doable. Another mom now is saying she wants to do the same thing (her baby will only be 7 months by then) and she's breast feeding so its a given. I did suggest we all just stay in town and not do a weekend trip but they say they can make it work. So I am happy they are working around what they know I actually want.

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  • Chantelle
    Curious May 2022 British Columbia
    Chantelle
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    I am not not really bothered by it, I love her child and husband too (was friends with the husband before I knew her) and they have never been a bother at any other events we have had.

    In an ideal world, it would be great for us all to go alone, but we don't live in an ideal world and I have never had an issue with compromising. I do think she wants to bring them to the wineries though.... Hopefully it will be ok still!

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  • Carmel
    Featured December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel
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    I agree with Hank. You do what you are good with. Sounds like you're fine with this so who cares what the rest of the girls say. Sounds to me like they are dealing with their own issues or guilt. I think it's really awesome of you to have her be a part of this in the way she's most comfortable. I think you'll feel better too. Be prepared that she may be around less but when she is around she'll likely be happier and more present. I agree with the others who say it'll be brutal for her husband but that's on them not you!
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  • Rayanne
    Featured June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne
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    Personally I think it will be horrible for her husband and child to be in a hotel room or looking for stuff to do while she's gone. It is 100% easier to care for your child at home. However if that's what works best for them, they aren't hurting anyone or taking away anything from the party. Let them do what they want.
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  • Liberty
    Featured May 2022 Alberta
    Liberty
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    I completely agree with Hank. It's not like she's actually bringing her husband and baby to the bachelorette party. She's bringing them to the location of the bachelorette party so she can still care for her baby in the ways that only she can! Her husband cannot breast feed and it may not be possible for her to have enough milk pumped for the weekend.
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  • Laura
    Devoted June 2022 Ontario
    Laura
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    I can certainly understand both perspectives. Sometimes, a weekend away from your kid and spouse is needed and I understand why the other moms just want a girls weekend.

    If your friend ends up ducking out early from dinner or dancing (or whatever your plans are) to be with her child, that would be an issue. It's probably worth just having a conversation with that friend.

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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank Online
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    It's not like her husband is being a third wheel by awkwardly joining in on the festivities. I see no harm in him taking care of the kid in their own room close to her proximity. I think your friends are majorly overreacting. You're clearly okay with it so why are they freaking out?

    Just because they feel comfortable leaving their children behind for a weekend, doesn't mean everyone is.

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