Bridesmaid Regret ?

View quoted message Hi Victoria!


Sorry that's happening June 2020 is definitely soon.
Have you tried asking them again ? Maybe they are having money problems like my bridesmaids and are trying to avoid the subject?
Either way, if when the date gets closer and nothing seems to change, don't worry about it and have no bridal party. You have enough on your hands already and you don't want people who don't really care next to you on the big day.
I do hope it gets better though !! xxx

I don’t think you are over reacting either! I’m in the same boat.. my bridesmaids seem to be both uninterested in anything to do with my wedding and seems like there is no time to get together and figure out bridesmaid dresses.. my wedding is in June 2020 (5 months away) and every time I ask them about finding dresses they bypass my question.. it’s very frustrating and is making me consider not having a wedding party either.. but I need to consider my FH groomsman as well and really think about what I can do.. even though it doesn’t seem like a big deal to others.. it makes me go into a bit of a panic because I need to know if they are all in or out.. time is counting down and I don’t have time to wait around till last minute.
Good luck, hopefully it will all work out before your big day! 😊

Oh man thats so hard to deal with. im on the complete opposite spectrum. my friends want to help out and do stuff but i just want to do everything myself as i want things done a certain way. i feel bad cuz my girls havent done anything lol!! in your situation i feel like they shouldnt have accepted being in your wedding party if they cant support or help you out. i def wouldnt be lending my friend money thats for sure... but i would talk to each of them individually

Ugh. So just need to vent. one of bridesmaid freaked out on me last week because I didn't invite her to my son's birthday (she's barely made any attempt to come to anything since he was born 3yrs ago). So I asked if she'd want to come hang out at my place tonight, drink some wine & do some diy stuff for the wedding. She took forever to respond, but then said she's just gonna stay home & drink wine by herself. I told her it's more fun to drink with someone else & I offered to pick her up, drive her to the liquor store & have FH drive her home after. Her response was nah I'm just gonna stay home & invite the neighbour over to come drink, play some games ☹️ she asked if I wanted to come, I said no I want to get started on all these projects. She just goes oh well, next time 🙄 my wedding is in like 6months & I have a ton of stuff I need to do & it seems the only people interested in helping have nothing to do with the wedding.
Sorry that was such a long post

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Hi Elizabeth,

wow that's tough! Yeah, a part of me wants to have a wedding without a bridal party actually since i feel like it would be much simpler. However, like most of the comments, i guess i should just wait it out.

I would be really upset as well if I talked to them about the bachelorette and have them dismiss my ideas or help me find a nice location.

I see you are getting married this June! Hopefully it gets better sooner than later.

I am in the exact same boat!

3 bridesmaids, one not financially reliable and the 2 others are completely uninterested. i literally had to harp on one for two weeks to send me a picture of her bridesmaid dress after ordering it online, she had no interest or excitement about it at all and it didn't make me feel very good.

2 of my bridesmaids are out of province and if i message them about wedding anything im lucky if i get a reply, whether it be about asking their opinion or actually needing help. i asked my grooms two sisters to be bridesmaids cause i thought it was the right thing to do.

now 4 months away and they haven't helped me with one thing, its excuses after excuses.

i even had to get on their butt about planning a bachelor party, because no one was interested in planning that either they just kept saying whatever you wanna do just plan it, and bridezilla came out.

i've had to kick them in the butts and i basically told them i didn't just ask to be nice and i actually need their help.

super frustrating, especially because you're counting on them.

I can definitely relate to social media pressure, more for how put-together/extravagant the wedding should look/be decorated!!

And it's totally normal to be concerned about your bridesmaid's feelings/struggles. My MOH actually had a mental breakdown a month before the wedding - when it was obviously too close for her to back down since she already had the dress, shoes, make-up and hair paid, hotel and transportation booked and paid, etc. Plus, she was looking forward to the wedding itself, since it'd be a break from her stress.

We had a few heart-to-hearts leading up to the wedding since I was kind of stressed with the wedding being a month away and I didn't have mental energy to support her and vice-versa. I leaned a little more on my other bridesmaids and she leaned on other friends while we were both dealing with stuff, but made it clear that we obviously cared about the other's situation. In the end, she was able to pull through for the wedding.

I also had my whole bridal party live away from me, so we couldn't spend a lot of time face-to-face, so support was harder to come by. Your wedding is still a year away, so it might not be on their radar right now, especially if they have other things going on. You may be surprised in a few months when they come to you asking if you need anything.

I can totally relate and you feel guilty or self important if you call them out on anything.

View quoted message Lol totally! If you need any advice, just msg me. 🙂

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Thanks Britt, if worse comes to worse let's be each others bridesmaids

Let's keep each other updated for moral support!

I don't think you're over reacting, I'm kind of in the same boat. Ive been questioning my bridesmaids decisions & am slightly worried. I have 5, I asked them all right after I got engaged (3.5yrs ago) & things have changed. My sister is my MOH, but is 2 provinces away & hasn't saved a dime to make it out here (her & her kids will stay with me to save money, but she still has to get here). I have 2 other bridesmaids out of province, but thankfully they are very easy going & are happy to do what they can. 2 of my bridesmaids in town with me, barely see me anymore, ones busy with work & her life, the other isn't really into weddings/girly things, although she goes through some periods of trying. Sorry no advice, just wanted to let you know you're not alone

View quoted message The pressure from social media is real!! I'm feeling this in lots of aspects of planning, especially when both me and my girls are trying to stick to a budget.

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I like that! SKip the gifts and offer to pay for their pampering on the wedding day.

Thanks girl

I wouldn't worry too much, you still have lots of time for them to get excited especially if they have new exciting things of their own.
I made a safe word with my friends so if I'm talking about wedding stuff to much they just say "falafel" and we change the subject! No one has used it yet.
As far as budgets go I would make sure that they are aware of what a total investment can be and aware of each other's situations a bit. I was in a wedding where the bride knew I couldn't afford a lot but her MOH went ahead and planned an expensive bachelorette party weekend. I ended up only going for a portion so that I could skip the more expensive spa/horseback riding parts of it. If they're all strapped for cash it might make sense to skip gifts for them and help them with hair/makeup/accessories in stead.

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Ya, when it came to the Bridal shower my MOH/sister and my Mom ended up footing the bill and then my Bachelorette was paid for by all 5 of my girls. As for our Wedding Social - most of that was out of our pocket, but to be fair we made a 5 digit profit so that was completely worth it and fine by me!

Not everybody can afford things but that doesn't mean that the party has to end - perhaps you could do what my DH did for his bachelor party which was going to a family members cabin and having a bonfire night with steak and drinking! Was apparently a blast!

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Thanks Tori!

I definitely did talk to them about budget, and it was one of the reasons I asked them to be in my bridal party early on of my engagement. However I feel like they are not taking it too seriously...

I like the idea of paying for their dresses and have them pay me back. I gave them some affordable options I found online, and also told them to pick whatever as long as it fits my colour scheme.

I guess it is just a question of waiting for this to pass.

Also, the pressure from Youtube / Pinterest about how bridesmaids are 100% supportive, pay for the bachelorette or bridal shower is what is making me quite sad.

I just have to stay positive !!

Completely normal that you are worried about their "situations" in life right now, I wouldn't sweat too much yet though since you have over a year before things start getting more intense. My girls were mostly an emotion support for things other than the shower and bachelorette, but I did offer to pay for their dresses until they can pay me back because there were a couple that I knew wouldn't be able to afford it unless they saved up. Maybe you could start talking to them about budget sooner rather than later as a "hey, I know you guys know that being in a wedding party can add up so I wanted to talk to you guys about budget and whatnot" and see what they say about the two events?

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Thanks Michelle! I do hope they get into the spirit of things as our wedding date gets closer.

While it's normal that you are concerned I wouldn't worry too much.

Since your wedding is still over a year away your friends have plenty of time to get more into the wedding mood.

Personally my bridesmaids have gotten a lot more involved since it's finally wedding year, I asked them all pretty early after my engagement in 2018 so there wasn't too much for them to do that early on.