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Candace
VIP May 2019 Ontario

Bridesmaid Problems

Candace, on January 27, 2018 at 13:42 Posted in Before the wedding 0 16
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Ugh so I am extremely frustrated! My bridal party all decided they wanted to take me on an all inclusive vacation for the bachelorette and they all had a budget of $2000 for it. We found a great deal to Dominican for $950 so no problem. Well then my one bridesmaid said she couldn’t get time off work so we changed the month and ended up agreeing to paying $1150 each. Then the same bridesmaid said she doesn’t want to take 7 days off work, days she wants to work as much as she can to save up for an apartment, I understand say no problem but everyone else wants to go still. She says go without her. This was like 2 months ago and we had been planning it and talking about it for almost 4 months prior to deciding on anything and she never mentioned this so I was a little surprised and tbh mad but I get it. UNTIL yesterday she says she is going to New York with her bf around the same time the bachelorette would be and says that it’s going to cost her almost $3000 for the wholw trip... am I wrong to be upset? My FH says I should boot her from the wedding party but I just don’t know what to say or do

16 Comments

Latest activity by Brittany, on February 2, 2018 at 13:40
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
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    I am so sorry you're going through that! IMO, it's totally bogus...

    To put it in perspective, my high school best friend currently lives in Toronto (I'm in Vancouver), and I was just hoping she'd make the expense to come home for the wedding... but she told me to let her know when the "big stuff" (shower, bachelorette) is, cus she's got lots of vacation days. She's willing to fly across country 2 or 3 times for me (she's not wealthy), because she wants to.

    A bridesmaid is supposed to be one of your closest friends... if she bailed on you because of money, but then figured her own vacation, 3x the money, was worth it, but yours isn't... how much is she really prioritizing you? If she gets married down the road... how are you going to feel being asked to spend big $$$ on her day? Will she be as understanding as you if you don't want to spend your money?

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  • Samantha
    Frequent user May 2019 Ontario
    Samantha ·
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    I would definitely talk to her and voice how you feel. I would definitely be hurt by this because it seems like she doesn’t care about the bachelorette vacation. There may be an unknown reason for her needing to go to New York, but if there isn’t, then it just seems kind of sketchy for her to bail on you but then go on a more expensive vacation at the same time
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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    There is a lot of good points you made that I didn’t think of, thank you!
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  • Ap2017
    Super September 2017 Ontario
    Ap2017 ·
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    I would be upset by this, too. If money was genuinely a concern, then she wouldn't be going on a different vacation, but to me it sounds like there was always hesitation on her part when it came to going away. My sister did a destination bach and I had just started a new job so I had to bow out because of my vacation time and budget, so sometimes it is a concern. I would talk to her. Maybe she doesn't realize how hurtful her behavior is.Maybe her bf surprised her with the trip idea and she got carried away in the planning and committed to it before knowing the final cost. There are a lot of things that could have happened. And sometime as the bride, we overlook the fact that our wedding doesn't always take centre stage for the people around us - it can become so consuming for us that it can be hard to see it...so maybe she just genuinely didn't think it would be a big deal if she weren't there? It can also be difficult for some people to watch their friends be celebrated for a milestone that they haven't gotten to yet, but really want...maybe there's a bit of jealousy at play? Just throwing some thoughts out there. I would definitely have a talk with her - good luck! Smiley smile

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  • Amyfanggg
    Frequent user April 2018 Ontario
    Amyfanggg ·
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    Sit down and talk to her - maybe she has to go to NYC for a reason that she hasn't shared. Why would she go and spend more money while she's trying to save money, right? It's almost never as bad as it seems. It will work out!
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  • Rosalyn
    Devoted August 2018 Alberta
    Rosalyn ·
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    I’d talk to her. I would be a bit hurt too, but I wouldn’t want it to ruin the friendship!
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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    I think you need to sit down and talk to her but I wouldn't rush to kick her out of the party. I can understand feeling upset but don't let it ruin your friendship.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I think that this is a deal-breaking situation tbh. She made her choice and if I were you, I wouldn’t know how I’d get over that in time to have her be up there on my big day.

    Good luck ❤️
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  • Holly
    Expert June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    Then you should definitely talk to her. Have a good heart to heart and just talk it out. I've had bridesmaid issues so I feel ya! Just don't jump the gun on kicking her out. Good luck!!
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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    Thank you!
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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    I want her as part of my wedding because we are good friends and she has been quick to offer to help throughout the whole process it’s just this situation that has me upset
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  • Carmela
    Devoted April 2019 Ontario
    Carmela ·
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    That’s really awful! She should not be going to New York after complaining about prices. I would go out for a coffee and just talk to her one on one. Let her know how the actions of her choices make you feel upset. I wouldn’t kick her out of the party. She just made a poor mistake. Good luck hun
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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    I would upset too! I'm sorry this is happening to you.....

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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
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    I agree with Courtney - I'd be hurt by that too. I think you need to have a one-on-one with her about it. Let her know you're hurt, especially if she's not meeting your expectations. I wonder if there's something going on in her mind, or with her boyfriend that's pulling her away from her bridesmaids duties.

    Hope your heart-to-heart goes well!

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  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·
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    I would be really hurt, but I don't know if I would kick her out of the wedding party without talking to her about it.

    I would let her know that it seems like she's choosing to do something else instead of spend time with 'me and the girls' and ask if she can maybe reconsider.

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  • Holly
    Expert June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    I would be very upset by this too, naturally anyone would be. You plan and plan and she bails on your to do something else. Do you feel like you no longer want her as apart of your wedding?
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