Bridesmaid not invited to bridal shower / bachelorette

View quoted message Hi Amanda! I’m honestly not sure, her parents don’t seem the type but it could be. But even if her parents had asked her to involve her cousin, she could’ve been candid with me and I would’ve understood. I know that having a convo with me telling me that she was being forced by her parents to make me a bridesmaid would have been awkward or uncomfortable, but the result of not having it is our relationship now. Her dad was definitely surprised to see I wasn’t wearing the BM outfit the day of the wedding and seemed genuinely curious as to why I wasn’t wearing it. I guess he didn’t know. But regardless, even after the wedding madness had died down, I think the onus was on her to message me and clear the air, since it’s because of her actions/inactions that all this happened. Nothing happened between us during the time between her engagement and wedding so till this day I wonder why she treated me like that.

View quoted message I would’ve even spoken to my cousin about this issue had she not known. But she knew that I was upset.
The bride was the single person who took the lead on all things. She created the WhatsApp group, she choreographed the dances (yes there were like 3 dances), she planned the entrance to the wedding venue- and she didn’t include one bridesmaid, me.

The bride was the one who created the WhatsApp group for everyone to communicate. And like I’m sure they planned everything else. And you know the most hurtful thing is that she didn’t even ask. Like this happened right when I went to her place for a pre wedding ceremony- my mom and I were there and she invited a whole bunch of people to practice for some dance choreography (she was teaching them the routine) and all the bridesmaids were in the dance, but even when I was in front of her at her house, she didn’t even ask. Now I refuse to believe she didn’t know what was going on. And thats the most hurtful part. I play my part right as her friend, as her cousin sister, and as family, and she acts in such an insulting and rude way.
It’s hurtful that on the day of wedding, 2 hours before the ceremony, after seeing that I am not wearing the bridesmaid outfit- one of her bridesmaid messaged me (for the first time) saying come to the bridal suite. After all this? It’s like taking action after the harm has been done, which only shows that if I hadn’t posted a picture on Instagram and they didn’t see it, they wouldn’t have messaged me. Also, why msg me the day of the event if she/her friends really wanted me to be there? All of the other bridesmaids were at the banquet hall early in the morning. They planned the entrance, at what point the girls will enter who’s walking with who, all of that.

Wow. I am in shock.

I think you have a right to be upset. If she didn't want you apart she shouldn't have asked, or if she knew she was going to exclude you I wouldn't have even bothered. If it was because she wanted to do her "friends" thing and not cousins, I would have had the respect to speak with you so you were aware.
Maybe something happened that you are not aware about during the time she asked you to be a bridesmaid ? Do you think he parents would have told her she "had" to have you a part and maybe she felt resentful against you? I can only speculate but I would definitely say that IS NOT the way to treat a BM or anyone for that instance.

Wow thats so rude. i would tell your cousin that none of the girls included you in any of the festivities. i would show her the whatsapp group and the IG messages. what was the point in her asking to be a bridesmaid if you werent included in anything. i feel like the other girls were talking bad about you behind your back and thats why all your cousin said was thank you. either way this all sucks to hear

View quoted message It is heart breaking! Everyone knows that weddings are a stressful time but there is definitely a big difference between being stressed and being rude. It's almost as if last minute they decided to try and make you feel bad by asking you to come to the bridal suit. You should have already been told when and where to show up if they were going to include you, not as a last minute thing.
I'm the same, I hate confrontation. Hopefully you two can rebuild a relationship enough so family gatherings don't feel awkward. But it definitely doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.

View quoted message Thanks Vinod! Honestly the fact that she treated me like this just felt really hurtful because I wouldn’t have ever treated her like this. 3 years ago, my brother got married and my family and I were on top of making close family feel involved and important. I took it in my hands involve my cousins (the ones we are close with) in all the ceremonies. I didn’t have to do that, but it makes me feel foolish for thinking of her as a person I can I count on, clearly that’s not the case. And the thing is, I didn’t even ask or even remotely imply she has to make her a BM- she asked me if she should have to make our other cousins her BM, and I even told her she shouldn’t feel obligated. This is her wedding and she should do what she thinks is right. But to then ask me, and then act in this way? Why even bother?

View quoted message Thank you! Honestly I’ve been feeling hurt by this for a while. I’m not a very confrontational person, and so I haven’t spoke to her about the way she treated me. But I mean, I don’t think it should come to her as a surprise that I didn’t wear the BM outfit after the way she treated me. Also, I don’t think anyone can be so oblivious to the fact that one of their BM wasn’t involved in anything in the wedding. She could have also messaged to ask why I didn’t wear the outfit, but I mean I guess she knew why and didn’t want to be told that what she was hurtful and insulting. Also, if I was BM and another BM told me she wasn’t going to wear the outfit, I think I’d be concerned enough to at least ask why? But the fact that the BM who messaged me and told me to come to bridal suite, said a simple “okay 😊” after I told her I wasn’t wearing the outfit goes to show that none of her friends/BMs even cared. This kind of stuff really hurts because I would never make anyone feel like this- even if they were a normal wedding guest. And to know how that people show you who they really are in very important/special times is heartbreaking.

That's not an over reaction at all. That is really hurtful. Even if she felt obligated to ask you to be a BM she should also have invited to you all the other events and to have you invited to the dance they were going to do. Otherwise she could have treated you like a regular guest and you wouldn't have had to go through the emotional roller coaster. I think you handled it well though. Shows you were offended without being dramatic. I'm sorry she did that

That's a terrible treatment to you from your own cousin to ask you to be in the wedding party and not do anything or attend her functions. You should have had every right to know what's going on about the shower and reception dance. Its good you didn't wear the sari or get pictures taken with the wedding party in the suite. Your grace is well taken into the way you handled the situation by walking away and not getting an answer from her when asked about to participate in anything.

Your cousin seems conceded in the manner she takes in herself. I'm sure your keeping your distance from her knowing her personality. Being the bigger person to show you do keep the peace the day of the wedding and then letting her know by messaging her.