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Melissa
Curious October 2021 Ontario

Bridal shower when not a wedding guest

Melissa, on August 2, 2020 at 19:44 Posted in Before the wedding 0 17
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What is the etiquette on inviting friends and extended family to the shower if they aren’t invited to the wedding? We need to keep our guest list small for the wedding but I have many groups of friends that I’d really like to have at my shower (no gift expected).


I don’t want to insult people by inviting them to the shower and not to the wedding. If It’s clear that no gift is wanted, is it cool or not cool to invite someone whose not invited to the wedding, to the shower?

17 Comments

Latest activity by Jasmine, on September 17, 2020 at 19:12
  • Jasmine
    Frequent user July 2022 Ontario
    Jasmine ·
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    Im having 100 people only family and close friends at my wedding but want more people to celebrate with me so i will invite people not coming to wedding to bridal shower. we;re new graduated so dont have money for everyone to be at wedding.

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  • Melissa
    Curious October 2021 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    Thank you Heather, I appreciate you sharing. I think that’s the way I’m going to go too Smiley smile
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  • Heather
    Curious September 2020 British Columbia
    Heather ·
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    I invited people that were invited to the wedding. I felt weird excepting a gift or anything from someone who I was unable to invite. A lot of people still sent me a gift(which was not needed at all) and it made me feel special. I made sure I sent them a special thank you card with a little extra love in it for them person.

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  • Linttvar
    Newbie March 2021 British Columbia
    Linttvar ·
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    I know people who had one half of the couple from another town then the wedding have a more casual party at a parents' house for out-of-town friends. I think you could definitely do a more casual party for those you couldn't invite (bbq at the house or something) to celebrate - but I definitely wouldn't label it a bridal shower - since the point of that party is specifically to ask for gifts.

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  • Melissa
    Curious October 2021 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    ❤️Thank you
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  • Sara
    Newbie September 2020 Ontario
    Sara ·
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    I think for the people that are not coming to the wedding this is the perfect time to ask them to be apart of something just as special for you.

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  • Melissa
    Curious October 2021 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    Thank you for sharing your opinion. Greatly appreciated!
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  • Melissa
    Curious October 2021 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    Thank you for sharing your opinion. Greatly appreciate!
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  • Arexy
    Devoted October 2020 Ontario
    Arexy ·
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    Usually you shouldn’t invite people to a shower that are not invited to the wedding. However, during these unprecedented times it is understandable.
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  • Nicolette
    Newbie September 2020 Manitoba
    Nicolette ·
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    The etiquette is that everybody invited to the wedding shower is invited to the wedding. BUT we are in the middle of a pandemic.. at the end of the day do what’s best for you and your partner.


    I have the same issue in that I don’t want everyone invited to the ceremony to the reception.. but then people will be upset because that’s not how it’s typically done.
    My opinion is do what you and your partner feel is best. Secondly set expectations early.. so if you’re doing something not typical, IF they ask, set the tone from there.
    I’m very big on doing what’s best for yourself and your partner as now it’s the two of you for life. People will be hurt but if they are reasonable, they will understand. 💕
    Again this is just my opinion...you don’t have to take it!
    Enjoy your big day!
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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
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    Usually it's a bit of a snub to invite people to the shower and not the wedding.


    BUT all bets are off for 2020. I feel that if you said to someone "we can't have everyone at the wedding but I would love to celebrate with you, please come to our shower". In this case I would make it a co-ed event with the future couple present to see their guests and I wouldn't invite anyone outside the wedding party who will be attending the wedding reception, an either the shower or the reception situation.
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  • Melissa
    Curious October 2021 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    Thank you! I wish you the same 💕
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  • Jarrod
    Curious March 2022 Ontario
    Jarrod ·
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    I totally understand that, Melissa! I'm constantly amazed at how large our guest list is, but how many more people I wish I could add to it.


    I wish you the best of luck with your big day!!
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  • Melissa
    Curious October 2021 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    Thank you Jarrod and fiancé Smiley smile That was my feeling as well but I wanted to vet it with others. These are people that I truly wish I could have at the wedding but due to capacity and costs, I can’t. I appreciate your reply!
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  • Melissa
    Curious October 2021 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    Thank you Genevieve. That was my instinct as well.
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  • Geneviève
    VIP September 2020 Ontario
    Geneviève ·
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    Jarrod’s right, It can be perceived as uncouth to invite people to the shower and not the wedding because gifts are often expected (even when you say you don’t want any). To avoid any hurt feelings or potential drama, it would be best to keep the guest list to those invited to the wedding.
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  • Jarrod
    Curious March 2022 Ontario
    Jarrod ·
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    From my fiancee - The general etiquette is that you don't do it. The only exception is usually if it's an office/workplace shower.

    This, of course, isn't to say that you can't do it, but generally speaking people may take some offense if they aren't invited to the "main event".

    Ask your close family, or any that know those individuals well. They'll likely have some idea on how they would take it.

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