Bridal shower ideas/thoughts !

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Lol yeah, the underwear thing was for a Bridal Shower - it was a big hit with everyone
Can never go wrong with the spa - or another fun thing is heels or a pole dancing class or an aerial class - always good for laughs... My girls all want us to go away for a weekend, so we are playing with a few options, I told them I will give suggestions, but ultimately want to be surprised

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Oh I see! good to know thanks Hank! You are always so helpful.

Yeah that would make sense... this is why I asked what everyone thought! I might just keep it people invited only... even that im at like 18 people

yeah thats very true!! I like your idea of tea and pastries though... even a backyard BBQ or something and have my MOH and some friends plan some games.

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Haha yeah maybe.. who knows though! Im thinking having some friends over for some tea or something! backyard BBQ kind of thing.

yeah the thing is the people I am thinking about are long term family friends (dont really act like family and couldnt make the cut to the wedding from 1. drama they cause 2. they havent acted like family in a long time) however they have watched me grow up since I was a baby. so I thought this would be a nice way to include them as our limit for people is 55 for the wedding. I dont want to come off rude or anything I jsut thought it would be nice to invite them to this kind fo thing...

I have heard about the underwear thing!!! I love that idea a lot... was that for a wedding shower?

yes I have figured that for the bachelorette.... my FH wants a 1/2 joined one so im thinking a weekend and one day I go with my ladies out to the spa or something and he does whatever with the boys and come back together for the next day or something! My MOH also doesnt know the other ladies I want to invite so I am kind of helping to plan it a bit... LOL

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Mmm numbers was because originally we were doing like just family then moved it to some friends, as we have a house my Fiance and I didnt want a large wedding and under 50 people... I have never dreamed of a large wedding Ive always wanted a small one.

Yeah for some of the items on the wedding registry i have upgraded things and towels for sure. ah I seee i will look into that!

View quoted message I mean if you can't invite people because of covid that's one thing... But covid isn't really a factor anymore unfortunately - even in BC if I understand correctly? Hmmm okay that's weird she's insisting but it'd end up mostly on you. We were already living together for four years so I get that - we took the opportunity to register for upgraded items or things we would normally never spend the money on. For example, the fancier Nespresso machine, a Dyson stick vacuum, a Vitamix high end knife block, camping gear, KitchenAid attachments, new towels because those never last, etc. Some of those items are very expensive but places like Bed Bath and Beyond have group gifting (i.e. you give towards the gift you want). It worked out well for us! A few people gave to our honeyfund (through our agent) but very few.

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Yes, with the trend of gifts at the wedding being cash or honeyfunds, some couples plan showers where the gift is a physical item. Most of the time, they tend to be small trinket type things (or depending on the crowd, something novelty, like a funny shirt or something raunchy). They're usually much less expensive than a typical wedding gift.

You can't have a bridal shower and not expect gifts. It's literally the point of such an event - to shower the bride with gifts. Though shower gifts are small, it would still be tacky to some to be invited to an event where presents are expected when they're deemed not important enough to be a part of a life milestone.

I feel like the only way to have a gathering with those not invited to the wedding and expect no gifts is if you don't call it a bridal shower. Call it an informal bachelorette or something. Or have the shower registry be an optional charitable link as others have suggested but even then, I feel like a lot of people will still feel compelled to bring something.

That being said, your FMIL can insist all she wants but if you don't want to do it and you don't tell anyone in your family or bridal party to initiate, what is she going to do?

I agree with some others that it sounds like the FMIL wants to have a bit of an event and show off her future daughter in-law...however, she shouldn't be expecting someone else to plan it, if she is the one pushing for it...and should be talking to your MOH or your mom, not you, as in my experience, it has never been the bride who plans her shower - just helps with the guest list (unless it's a surprise).

As for inviting people not invited to the wedding - I have been to numerous showers that have had both people invited to the wedding and those not (including myself being invited to shower & bachelorette party, but not wedding). I find more friends understand that a wedding normally entails lots of family (immediate and extended) being invited and friends aren't always able to make the cut. However, I can see how some may find it tacky and like a gift grab (if you are doing gifts.)

When it comes to gifts, I had a few friends who didn't want anything really, so their wedding party asked ever guest to bring a cute or sexy pair of underwear for the bride, and write down a memory, without signing. The bride than went through the underwear and stories, and had to figure out which guest it was - it made for a fun game, and the bride ended up with some cute undergarments to wear for herself & for her FH... My other friend actually asked ppl to donate $$ to a charity of her choice, that was important to her.

As for bachelorette, when it comes to planning, it is also usually the bridal party who does the planning - the bride provides a list of people they want to have invited, but the organization and execution are normally the MOH and BMs, unless the bride wants to be hands-on. This is an event you can for sure invite ppl that aren't part of the wedding party or guest list. There are ladies who are in my big circle of friends who I have a blast with whenever they are around but aren't girls I communicate/hangout with 1-on-1 or in an intimate group, so wouldn't be invited to the wedding, but I know would love to be a part of my bachelorette.

hahaha sorry for the novel!

View quoted message Maybe talk to a few of the guests you'd want to invite to the shower and see how they feel and go from there

View quoted message I would 100% be OK with no gifts for the shower... even just bring a snack for the table kind of thing... I wonder how people would feel if they would be OK with that (most people understand the reasoning my wedding is so small since we have the mortgage so I wonder if they would be OK with that and want to come?)

View quoted message I totally get wanting to invite people so they can celebrate with you in one but I wonder if that could executed in a way without those not being invited getting offended. Like if you had a gift free bridal shower how guests would feel?

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That sounds like a lovely time! the issue is she's wanting my mom to plan it and throw it which will ultimately be me planning and throwing it myself.

I guess I just thought if it would be ok to invite some who aren't invited due to the numbers so they could enjoy one part of my wedding but didn't realize the whole purpose of a shower is for gifts lol... the issue with that too is my FH and I have everything we need as we've lived together for 2 years already

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But she already said she can't plan is because shes busy with work but I have to have one!! LOL she said my MOH should plan it or my mom

Thats the thing is I think i will have to plan the bachelorette too as my MOH doesnt know the friends I want to invite.. but My fiance also has the thought of doing a joint one (But I would also like to go to a spa or an escape room or something with a few friends) lool

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She's insiting but clearly said she's too busy to plan with work and my MOH can plan it... however I don't know if she can plan is as she's in the same line of work and just as busy. so she said my mom should plan it. lool

Gotcha thanks for that, I was just thinking if would be nice to include a few family/friends who couldn't be invited to the wedding otherwise it would be way over 100 people and not the 50 people limit (and also thats the other thing is I'm not sure I need any gifts?

so people get a gift for the shower on top of a wedding gift?

The tea and pastries sounds like a really good idea if i go the route of a shower for sure thank you

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Gotcha, I see I was just wondering if it would be ok to invite others who cannot attend the wedding due to the numbers would be too high but at least they would get to have something to do with my wedding kind of thing... (Not for a gift as my Fiance and I have everything we need) As apart of me does feel a bit bad I caant invite everyone. if i did it would be way over 100 people and were already at 57 when we wanted less than 50 people at the wedding LOL

Thank you for the info as I never even thought of having one but the MIL is insiting lol

As already said, it is typical for a family member to throw a shower. It's totally unrelated to having other events. Also typical to receive gifts so definitely do not invite anyone not invited to the wedding; definitely invite any good friends invited to the wedding. I loved mine - it was beautiful, relaxed and delicious. My MOH and SIL planned two games - trivia for the guests about our relationship (my mom was hilarious), and they asked my fiance questions and recorded his answers and I had to guess the answers. It was great. I did not open gifts infront of guests - just immediate family afterwards. I was very adamant that I would not open gifts infront of guests. Honestly, if you're okay with attention, let her do it and enjoy!!! You don't have to worry about anything 🙂

Lol if she wants to plan it then go ahead! 😆👍🏻
I didn’t have a bridal party or an engagement party either! planning the bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner and wedding was enough for me!
If someone wanted to throw it for me I wouldn’t have turned it down but I just didn’t see the big point in it personally!

If your FMIL is insisting on a bridal shower than she should host one since you never wanted one. And since the purpose of a shower is to give gifts, it would be bad etiquette to invite those not invited to the wedding.

It's up to you if you want to invite friends but if your FMIL is insisting on hosting, it's likely because she wants to do something with family (otherwise, why insist on one?) If that's the case, just have her invite random aunties and grannies and show up to collect presents while enjoying some tea and pastries.

You definitely don't need to have one. Typically you would only invite people who are invited to the wedding as a bridal shower is a gift giving event usually so it can be seen as inappropriate to expect a gift at the bridal shower from guests who aren't coming to the wedding. Typically at a bridal shower there is a bit of time for mingling and snacking, a few games and gift opening.

The traditional point of a bridal shower was to shower the bride with gifts for the couples new home since most couples used to wait till marriage to live together so they needed everything!