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R
Curious May 2023 Ontario

Bridal shower

Rayann, on March 3, 2019 at 22:12 Posted in Before the wedding 0 12
Hi
So I am a bit confuse about bridal shower. I've been engaged for 10 months now and we haven't done any engagement party. I'd figure we can just do a whole wedding 1 event thing. But then my girls are asking me about engagement party and bridal shower. Is this necessary? I dont want to keep spending for these and I didn't think it is a necessary. What if they gave me monetary gifts or just gifts alone then at the big day I dont think I'll expect anything.
As for the bridal shower am I allowed to invite who I want especially the ones I am not inviting to my actual wedding? Need some guidan/advice please. I just dont know what to do. Finding the perfect venue itself is already overwhelming and it fits in the budget. How many should I invite?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Rayann, on March 4, 2019 at 21:37
  • R
    Curious May 2023 Ontario
    Rayann ·
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    Thank you everyone for the feedback. It really helps and I was so concerned about it.
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    I would say that an engagement party isn't needed at all - but if you do have one you could have it at a restaurant and just pay for your own meals. It's meant for family and friends to meet up and celebrate but isn't needed (I didn't have one).

    For the Wedding shower, the etiquette rule is no. No you shouldn't be inviting people to the shower who aren't invited to the wedding but of course there are exceptions like if you are only inviting immediate family to the wedding.

    As for how many people to invite - it's a matter of money and venue availability!

    Try not to stress too much though!

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Engagement parties/bridal showers are definitely not necessary!! I had an engagement party, there's no real point to it, except for celebrating your engagement/upcoming wedding.

    Usually, these parties are planned by someone else: the mother of the bride/groom and/or the wedding party. I don't know much about my shower, only that I have to let my mom know of a date that I'm in town that works. It's kind of stressful just selecting a date that works for most people and I almost want to tell her not to bother, since I have a lot of personal beef with showers lol

    As for who to invite, and close female family and friends, plus your bridal party. Or you could do a co-ed shower, that includes both you and your FH, and your closest family and friends. As many said, don't invite anyone to a shower that aren't invited to the wedding, unless your having a destination wedding and only a select few guests can actually travel.

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  • Robyn
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Robyn ·
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    In my opinion the only "necessary" thing is the wedding ceremony lol. Do if you don't want to do one or all of the extra parties, don't feel pressured to. And invite who you please. We skipped a formal engagement party and I am not having a bachelorette party or a bridal shower, despite a lot of pressure from friends and family. I don't need the extra stress of planning those events, and I don't want to spend the money, either. I'd rather save and buy for myself the stuff I would have gotten as gifts at a shower.

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    It is completely up to you when it comes to what wedding events you want to have. We have been engaged for a year, and haven't had an engagement party. One less thing for people to plan, and less of a headache!

    My step mom is planning my bridal shower and there is only 35 people coming (only my side of the family) it will be up to my FMIL to plan one with their side of the family if that is something she wants.

    These types of events are up to either the wedding party, or the mothers of bride/groom to plan. You guys are planning the wedding, so like others have said, aside from planning a day and where you want it, that should be the extent of planning on your side.

    I have seen some people invite others who are not coming to the wedding (especially if it is a destination or smaller wedding)

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  • Peggy
    Super May 2019 Alberta
    Peggy ·
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    These events are not required, but they certainly are traditional, and many view them as part of the whole 'wedding package', so to speak.

    If you've been engaged for 10 months, I would probably skip the engagement party, myself, but if someone wants to throw you a bridal shower, I would absolutely let them. As others have said, only invite people to the shower who are also invited to the wedding.

    Generally with the bridal shower, you are not doing anything with it, other than picking the date and location (IE: city). Traditionally, it's your mother or future mother in law who host the bridal shower, and take care of planning it and paying for it. It could also be your bridesmaids, if they want to, as well. So you really don't have anything to worry about other than showing up for that one!

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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    You as a bride can decide to not have the engagement/bridal shower if you feel its more to spend. As bridesmaids, they can throw you one and you can make the list different from the wedding guests list. If you wish, invite half the ladies local keeping the cost low. Monetary gifts are being asked more these days upon request if not wanting boxed gifts.

    Your wedding day is when you will be getting the monetary and/or boxed gifts and putting all the costs towards that day. It seems fair to just have everyone there 1 time than twice to celebrate you as a bride to be.


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  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    We did not do an engagement party! Didnt find it was necessary really? I truly dont really understand the purpose of one. I am having a bridal shower next weekend! I did invite some of the ladies I work with to it since I didnt have enough space to invite them to the wedding! I still feel a little bad but I have told them specifically no gifts as I was only able to invite them to the shower!
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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
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    I second what Bianca said! Only do what feels right for you, but if you do choose to have one or both of these events, only invite people who'd be invited to the wedding.

    If you do choose to have a bridal shower, the gifts are usually different from what's on your wedding registry. They would be directed more towards the bride, unless you opt for a co-ed shower.


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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    You know what? Me neither lol. My bridal shower is going to be pretty small compared to all of the ones I've been to. I've got a mere 30 guests and a lot of them are family lol.

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  • R
    Curious May 2023 Ontario
    Rayann ·
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    Ah thank you. Being that said I guess I wont have a lot to invite for the bridal shower because I dont have a lot of female friends.
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Hey Rayann! As far as it goes for feeling compelled to have a bridal party and/or engagement party, don't worry about it! If you don't want those, then don't have them. Typically, someone else would host those events for you and you would just get the gifts (whatever that may be). And if these people are also invited to the wedding, then they'd be expected to give you a gift at the wedding too (a gift is usually expected for each event).

    Now, for inviting people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding? That's a big faux pas. The rule of thumb is only people who are invited to the wedding should get invited to the pre-wedding events.

    I hope this helps a bit!

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