Best man concerns

I would just leave it. your FH still thinks of him as a close friend. guys dont talk daily either like girls do.

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I needed this. Very relatable! I talked to my FH and we agreed if in the next month (march) we don't see him then he is going to ask his back up. (Even though I am against him being best man I have made over 6 attempts to get them together in 2 months and he is just not interested.) Since we have a 14 month old we don't go out so I invite him and his girlfriend over for games and what not, but nothing. he'd rather go to bars. I doubt we will see him in march...

I agree with what others have posted. I too don’t love my FH’s choice, so I wish you the best!

Hey Kristen, I can understand where you are coming from given the background information you have provided. I think i agree with Amelia when she said to give him a task that needs to be completed by the best man and see what happens. He is probably getting super defensive because he is nervous that perhaps he made a wrong choice in picking his best man. Let him know that you are there for him and will help him/guide him in picking up the pieces if things go south.

My FH picked his best man based on the previous year of knowing him, they hadn't reallybeen as close and honestly he was different after breaking up with his gf at the time (thank goodness, it was a horrible dynamic for then and everyone around them). He seemed to be doing well, but he never reached out to my fiance for a guys night or anything, then a few weeks or so later he met his now gf of like 5 months (better than the previous gf, but we still aren't really a fan) and literally only breathes the air she breathes. It should be super sweet that they're so close, but it's almost that unhealthy kind of attachment where nobody else wants to be around them.


Anywho, we've barely seen him since asking him to be the best man and he hasn't brought it up since since then, which was August or September. He just doesn't really seem to care about it, so we're trying to figure out if we're meeting with him to discuss it or just finding an excuse to switch to someone else. And if we keep him, we have to figure out how to keep his gf relatively tame 🙈
Sounds kinda goofy, but dealing with this whole thing is probably more stressful than dealing with the vendors 🤣
I really hope yours steps up, but if he doesn't don't be afraid to have an honest friendly conversation kinda saying 'do you really want to do this or would you prefer someone else to do it'. Its a crappy one to have, but this is about you two, so you deserve to be surrounded by the people you love and who love you back 😊

My fiancé picked his best friend from college as his best man but they have had a rocky relationship in the past ( just not having similar interests anymore and different views on life after college) he was great up until now ... which is about 3 months out. He was supportive during our engagement party and helped a lot. But they went suit shopping a few weeks ago my fiancé cleared his schedule and accommodate his bests mans request for places to go ( price point wise) and he turned around and loudly announced he wasn’t going to be buying a suit that day in the store even though he told us he was a groomsmen in a wedding the month before ours and wanted to use the same suit, he also lied about booking the accommodations for the bachelor party and now he is dealing with other stuff and it’s “not a priority”. So honestly even a “good solid choice” for a best man can turn out not so great. We still love him but there are few other things that he’s dropped the ball on recently ( lost his invite and forgot the date of the wedding so he didn’t book it off work until the other day).

I mean, my Husband chose 2 best men? But even at that his whole side of the wedding party I had a couple things to say about a few of them. Love them, but can't trust them all/ wouldn't be friends with them if they weren't my Husband's friends.

I would say with the wedding coming up to just leave it at this point, but just make sure they are getting their suits soon?? If they are bound to the wedding by money I think it's less of a chance of him backing out.

I would leave it and hopefully he doesn't back out. It may be a difficult situation but your FH does get the final say in who he chooses to be his best man and groomsmen. I'm glad that he knows how you feel, but I mean the best thing to do from this point is trust his judgement and be there for support should anything go wrong. Hopefully, his best man was sincere in being apart of your wedding day and maybe this is him putting a foot in the right direction.

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Yeh I would never tell him who he can and cant have, I just don't want him getting his feelings hurt, and I haven't been fighting about it, just voicing concerns. I agree 100% that wouldn't be worth it!

I agree with Taylor. It's his choice and hopefully it doesn't backfire.


It might help to give a few deadlines far from the wedding for things you need the best man to help with and see how he reacts. If he rises to the occasion you might not even need to worry, and if he slacks off you might have a little proof of your doubts to help your fiance make a decision.

That’s a tough situation, but ultimately your FH gets to decide who will be standing there to support him at the wedding. He obviously chose this person for a reason, and it’s important to him or he wouldn’t get defensive about it. You’ve voiced your concerns to him, so as difficult as it may be I would just let it go. If he backs out then you can move forward from there, but I personally don’t think that fighting this one will get you anywhere.