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Dessa
Curious September 2023 British Columbia

Bachelorette Party Guests....

Dessa, on May 3, 2022 at 01:28 Posted in Before the wedding 0 20
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Hey Ladies... I have a question about the guests invited to a Bachelorette party. Our wedding is 50 people and we were brutal on our edits. So I ask... is it rude/wrong/insensitive to invite ladies that will not be invited to the wedding?? I'm at a complete loss on this one. Part of me says they will understand and not be offended and want to be part of the festivities... other part says don't do it. Thinking the girls night out will be at least 4-5 months prior to the wedding. Thoughts??

20 Comments

Latest activity by Carine, on May 11, 2022 at 09:11
  • Carine
    Featured September 2023 Ontario
    Carine ·
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    Sometimes just letting people know that you haven't forgotten them goes a long way. You can't please them all.

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  • Dessa
    Curious September 2023 British Columbia
    Dessa ·
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    That's an amazing plan Carine!! I love the email idea! We are planning on having a big party at our home the next summer for those not invited. The girls night out is my plan too. Thanks for giving me another option!
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  • Carine
    Featured September 2023 Ontario
    Carine ·
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    My guest list is 35, so I am sending out an apology email to friends and family saying it's a small wedding, but we don't want people feeling left out that after the wedding we will go visit everyone and have a get together to celebrate us being MR. and MRS. If anyone who would like to join me at my bachelorette party are more then welcome. This way everyone isn't left out and they can choose to come or not. I decided to just have a bunch of girls out at a restaurant for drinks and eats.

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  • Dessa
    Curious September 2023 British Columbia
    Dessa ·
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    Hey Kelly! Yes you nailed it! That's what I had decided 😀.
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  • KELLY
    Featured October 2023 Ontario
    KELLY ·
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    Instead of calling it a Bachelorette Party- how about a girlfriends getaway?

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  • Dessa
    Curious September 2023 British Columbia
    Dessa ·
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    Rayanne I would be too... we have alot of fun together. Decisions decisions...
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  • Rayanne
    Featured June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    You definitely know them better than we do. I personally would be fine doing a fun night with friends knowing I wouldn't be invited to a wedding.
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  • Dessa
    Curious September 2023 British Columbia
    Dessa ·
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    I think this makes so much sense Carmel.. totally upfront is the only way. I think I'll wait to make my final list for girls night until I send out save the dates this summer for the wedding.. and then make a point of talking to each one in person that lives here and explain my plight. Thank you for your kind words!
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  • Carmel
    Featured December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel ·
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    That's very nice and generous of you to cover a lot of the cost! I think maybe in this case, address your limitations with wedding invites but how much you want to celebrate with them and they will hopefully understand as it's really sweet how much you do want to celebrate with all of those close to you. The fact that you're covering some of the expense does make a big difference but be upfront about it all.
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    I think what you're doing is fine. Costs seem like it's in their hands since people can choose to stay overnight or not if they wish. It would just feel like a fancy dinner at a restaurant, which I don't think it's offensive.

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  • Dessa
    Curious September 2023 British Columbia
    Dessa ·
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    Excellent advice Jenn. I'll talk it over with a few close gfs and see what they think. My fiancé has nixed some people off the invites and they are the ladies I'm not sure about. Hoping no one is upset but I can't control that.
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  • Jenn
    Frequent user August 2023 Ontario
    Jenn ·
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    I am of the thinking that it is fine to invite ppl not invited to the wedding to a bachlor/ette, but most of the people I know, understand that weddings are expensive and that after factoring family, there isn't always a way for everyone the B&G want to include, to be included - so there aren't hard feelings.

    I have had a handful of friends whose weddings I haven't been invited to (tho 1, I ended up being someone's +1, and for another, I was allowed to come after dinner), but I was invited to all the festivities, and I happily participated and didn't feel slighted that I wasn't invited for the big day - I understood that not being invited was not a slight on our friendship, but that they had to make hard decisions to cut people to keep from breaking the bank

    I also have a friend who is a blast whenever we get together either with just the girls or our whole circle of friends, but she isn't someone I have hung out or associated with on a small level or just her and me, so she will be invited to the Bachelorette, Stag & Doe, but won't be invited to the wedding, or will be invited to join after dinner.

    I would suggest chatting with your girls, and seeing what their take is as well

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  • Dessa
    Curious September 2023 British Columbia
    Dessa ·
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    Oh for sure!! That would be so tacky! It's good to hear different perspectives and I appreciate yours. I've got lots of time but it is something I need to consider. The ladies that aren't invited to the wedding don't know yet and I feel like some might be quite surprised and I'm trying not to offend anyone.
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  • Jacquie
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Jacquie ·
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    I mean to be fair. You probably know these people better then I do. Someone people don't really care about typical wedding traditions and some people just like a good party. It's also much better to invite a non-wedding guests to the bachelorette then the bridal shower IMO.

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  • Dessa
    Curious September 2023 British Columbia
    Dessa ·
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    Thanks for your perspective Jacquie. I don't disagree... just having a hard time as we are staying local for it.. (I hate even using the term Bachelorette because it doesn't really suit me) .. as most of my gfs that are invited don't even live here. I have alot to consider. I went to a rehearsal dinner party once but wasn't invited to the wedding ... I was so happy to be part of the celebrations. I guess that's what I'm reflecting on.
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  • Jacquie
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Jacquie ·
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    I only think this is okay when you are doing a wedding that is really really small. Like under 15 and/or having a destination wedding. It's generally considered bad etiquette to invite anyone not invited to the wedding to any pre-wedding festivities.

    We are only having a 40 person wedding and our bachelorette/bachelor parties will included wedding guests only.

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  • Dessa
    Curious September 2023 British Columbia
    Dessa ·
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    The plan is an overnight at a local B&B with a chef catered dinner with wine pairings (we live in wine country). I expect to pay a large chunk of it to keep their cost down. The sad reality is after our closest friends and family there is little room for the girls I have met since moving here 4 years ago. I enjoy them all but can't invite everyone. I was hoping to spend a fun night with the ones who won't get wedding invites thinking that if I don't invite them to this then they would be doubly nixed if that makes any sense. Ugh..🤔😒
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  • Dessa
    Curious September 2023 British Columbia
    Dessa ·
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    Yea...I hear ya.. the plan is local and I feel too old for the Bachelorette title and what it implies. Just don't know what else to call it 😆The plan is an overnight at a local B&B with a chef catered dinner with wine pairings (we live in wine country). I expect to pay a large chunk of it to keep their cost down.
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    If you're just having a casual night out locally, I think it's fine. But if the plans include any elaborate getaways, I would say no especially if the planner expects everyone to chip in for your costs.

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  • Carmel
    Featured December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel ·
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    This is a tough one! My bachelorette(s) included girls thay didn't attend our wedding but all of this was because of covid. They were invited and made a choice if to come. None of the girls invited were cut from our list when we had to scale back. You know your friends best so if you think they won't be offended then go for it but I'd air on the side of caution personally as bachelorettes can be expensive too (depending what you're doing).
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