Anxiety

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As much as others can give you advice and tell you what as works for them - you need to speak with your doctor and explore what works for you. Do not be afraid or embarrassed of medication! I can attest that it does work, and I was lucky enough to get paired with the right product the first time. But medication alone may not be enough. Routine is key. Figure out what you can do daily, weekly, monthly to keep your happiness and anxiety in check. Whether it's running daily, yoga, meditation, a fitness class, talking with family or friends, a new hobby, eating healthy, or any combination of these activities. Identify and acknowledge the signs of when you're becoming anxious or depressed. Try to figure out your triggers . Most important, figure out what helps you when you do have an anxiety attack or hit a low. These are all things your doctor can help you with - don't be afraid to ask for help!

View quoted message My doctor told me that just laying it all out on the table is the hardest part. And it is, but maybe it's exactly what you need? Whatever happens, I hope you can figure it all out and get back to being you!

View quoted message Exactly. I tried going gluten free, vegan, paleo. It doesn't matter. Exercise doesn't really help but it makes me feel good temporarily. I'd have to work out every half hour for an hour for it work lol. I do need meds cuz I think it is an imbalance. I just hate the fact that I've managed all these years, I get married and it's suddenly too much. I figure there's got to be something I'm missing, that will click one day and help me manage it. I have a doctor apt coming up so maybe I'll just have to lay it all out there.

I can relate! I think alot of people can! I've started kickboxing and it's helping me tremendously! I know it sounds crazy but it requires alot of mental focus and quiets mind! The gym doesn't do that for me at all. I'm in the treadmill for like 5 min and my head is in the clouds somewhere else.

I know the feeling. I finally got the nerve up to go talk to my doctor about it. It's a huge weight to have to carry around with you, especially now that you're freshly married and know that all you want/should be is happy!

I've tried diet and exercise and my usual ways to pull myself out of these feelings, but it hasn't worked for the past year and its wearing me down.

Not that i want to cave and take meds, but I feel so overwhelmed every day-and i'm not a good talker when it comes to face to face interactions on this topic.

We all have to find what works best for us, and hopefully you find the right person to talk to soon.

You're not alone in this,btw. If you ever need to chat to anyone, my inbox is open.

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If you don't have someone to talk to maybe find someone to talk too. I found a free womens resource center in Winnipeg that had group sessions and even took individual therapy at the same time which was free. It helped build myself up. I even read self-help books to help myself. It helped greatly. Everyone is different though. Some dealt with self-esteem others dealt with anxiety. Others dealt with trauma. Others were based on parenting and some had to deal with parenting. I just wanted to be the best me I could be for myself first and than I could give the best me for my daughter and to someone else and that person is my FH Adam.

I totally get it. I struggle with severe anxiety as well and I find that having help with this wedding from my fiancé as much as possible to take strain off of me.

View quoted message Exactly. Some days I can do everything and some days I can't do anything. And sometimes things don't bother me and some days he could tell me "you look good today" and I just wanna cry cuz I know some days I won't even wanna shower lol. I never even know my own triggers. My husband is good and I feel his love always. And he tries so hard to help. But I kinda feel like, there's no way feeling anxious, even if I express it nicely, is fun. Every hour I'd just be saying "I feel guilty because.." I imagine that has to be exhausting.
As for the medication, I've been told to go on it since I was 13 but always refused. Felt the same as you. When I had a good therapist who untangled my mind, I didn't feel depressed anymore. And if I did, I felt it was manageable. So why go on them now as soon as I got married? It seems redundant. I could manage for years without it, now I'm married and can't. Seems backwards. I'm in a bad rut in my mind. I know it'll go away eventually, but I dunno when or how to make it go away. My mind just keeps going in this cycle.

Bethany, just remember you are not alone. You have a wonderful husband who loves you. I suffered from depression and anxiety for many years and was on medication for it until I met my FH over 3 years ago. My past relationship was a nightmare where I suffered emotional and verbal abuse. I was never ever good enough and yet I still held on because I felt like I had to prove myself to be perfect and to not let my daughter grow up between 2 homes. I still have triggers whom I still am working though with a therapist. I have no idea some days why my FH is with me but he is. He loves me through the good days and the bad days. I go through days where I am quiet and withdrawn from life and don't want to do anything. I was on 2 different medications which didn't agree with me and made me sick and I didn't like depending on them but everyone is affected differently by them. Depression and anxiety knows no bounds. I have a daughter who has ADHD and ODD and some days her behaviour triggers my anxiety but my FH pickups when I can't deal with life which makes us such an amazing team. Some days I become overwhelmed by nothing and other days I can achieve so much by the same things that overwhelmed me. I couldn't imagine marrying anyone else. My only regret is not meeting him sooner but at the same time if I met him sooner I wouldn't have had my daughter which even though we have our bad days we also have really really good days. I don't know how exactly you feel but I do know that Depression and Anxiety suck.

A fun email I get on a daily basis is by karen salmonsohn. Her website is awesome and her emails are quirky and a pick me up.

http://notsalmon.com/

Stay Strong!!

Big hugs for you, Bethany. That's a frustrating thing about anxiety - there doesn't need to be a trigger or an actual cause of the anxiety, it is just there, which is what can make it so difficult to cope with. I wish you so much luck in finding a new therapist that you click with, it does take a long time to find the right person, but it is so worth it when you do.

In the meantime, do you have mental exercises that calm you? Workbooks? Podcasts? Online support communities to talk to? I recommend one called 7 Cups of Tea, but there are lots out there. Does exercise help? I've just joined a new yoga studio that is doing wonders for me.

You are lovable and you deserve love. It can feel terrible to be in the middle of an anxiety attack but be open with your husband, tell him what you need, and celebrate with him during the times you are feeling good.

Girl, we are the same! I get bouts like this all the time even when nothing is wrong. I have the tendency to not ask for help either and will wait until things get really bad in my head before I open my mouth about it at all. I work a lot of night shifts which just adds to it and makes me feel even more insane. What works for me is getting outside. And I know that some days its a struggle to be able to even do that. I have to force myself to get out there and just walk or sit out in the sun and breathe in the fresh air. Having a support system helps too. If you EVER need anything please message me. We may not live near each other but I can be a listening ear to what's going on and try helping you through what you're feeling. You're not alone and never will be xo

View quoted message Oh wow I'm sorry about your therapist situation that really sucks. I hope you find someone with the right fit soon! It can be so isolating Not having anyone to talk to or Not having someone who understands. I am terrible at taking my own advice, but your husband truly loves and cares about you. I know some guys that would give up or become angry with someone dealing with these issues as they dont understand and it frustrates them and they don't understand that you can't just "cure it" or "fix it". Your husband married you for the person you are.
You are not defined by your anxiety and depression. You seem like a very lovely person and just because you deal with these things does not make you undeserving of love. We tend to be hard on ourselves and we see the situation probably worse than it actually is. I know when I get into my shutdown mode and start pushing him away I star thinking he's going to leave me and I think he hates me lol. So dramatic. But I think I just see it way worse than it actually is. He obviously doesn't hate me or he would have left me by now haha if anything, I think your husband maybe just feels like he wishes he could do more to help you. I'm sure it pains him to see you this way and he just wants to make it better. I know my fiancé has told me this before.
Wow sorry for the long rant omg haha

View quoted message You get it. The guilt of feeling sad just adds to feeling sad. And I definitely feel unlovable and wonder how someone can love me when I'm at my worst. I feel bad that I drag other ppl down around me too, cuz it's not like I want to, and I don't want to feel this way myself. I wish I could be happy all the time so I can be the wife he deserves. It's not he's not nice about it, but in my own head I def feel bad. I had an awesome therapist in Nova Scotia that I saw for 4 years and felt great. But in December she told me the board changed the rules and she can't treat ppl out of province anymore. She said she'll do sessions and document them as helping me in the transition of finding a new one, but encourages me to find one up here. I haven't found one and I've been to five ppl up here. It's all about the right fit. I saw 7 ppl before finding her. Saw her for four years and now have to try and find someone else lol. It's tough. Thanks for getting it.

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way Bethany but I completely understand the feeling. I have dealt with anxiety since I was a child and I've been dealing with depression a lot for the past 8 years. My fiancé is also very supportive but when I get this way I tend to shut down and then I feel so bad and guilty when I come out of it. He does his best to show me he loves me and I definitely know he does but when I'm at my worst I feel like I don't deserve it you know?
I've tried talking to a few therapists but they just made me feel worse for some reason lol. If you haven't already tried I would recommend it though as I have a few friends who absolutely love going to their therapist. Maybe I just haven't found the right one.
Please know you are not alone in this and many people deal with similar things you're dealing with. Definitely reach out to someone to talk to. Also, for anxiety, there are a few good apps out there for your phone to help cope with some symptoms.

Bethany, I'm thinking you should see your doctor. I suffered with depression for many years and mine presented as anger. Yours presents as anxiety. I went on medication about 15 years ago and haven't looked back. After 6 weeks, I felt like a normal human being. Some people say that meds are a crutch and you should be strong and fight through it. I say that things have come a long way with regard to medications and we don't need to suffer any more. Don't feel bad about sharing. I'm sure half the forum suffers from depression or knows someone who does.