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Newbie October 2022 Ontario

Am i being Self-centered and Overthinking or is my Gut right?

Ruby, on March 15, 2022 at 14:29 Posted in Before the wedding 0 3

Hi everyone! I have a question about a relationship. I am the bride and my wedding is in October of this year 2022. I have a very close friend (guy) whom I have dated in the past years and years ago probably 14 years ago when I was younger for about a year. As adults, we grew to become almost best friends. He is currently married and I am engaged to my spouse of 12 years. His wife was one of my bridesmaids. We have been close friends for a really long time. As I am getting married, I have been noticing things that I feel like I have ignored over the years. Whenever I would mention something in my life, he would always either COPY it or belittle it. For example, my biggest hobby in interior design and we both recently bough houses in the past 5 years. We would share projects that we were working on and I noticed if I sent a picture of me painting a china cabinet, all of a sudden a few days later he would do the same thing. I thought oh he just sees inspiration in my project. Then, my spouse and I invited them both to our house and we talked about our wedding, and they constantly compared their elopement to our wedding and chastised that we would even consider spending money for one day. She would say things like, oh I couldn't imagine paying more than 75 dollars for my dress, I bought mine from a department store and was just fine. Next, we went to their house and once again, our wedding was compared to their ideals. I do not have many friends so it made sense that I ask them to be apart of my day. He said no he would rather be a guest, but she said sure. I would get texts asking for updates on the wedding, and only get met with how it was crazy. Lastly, I was pregnant and lost my son during labor while planning my pregnancy and have been grieving since. My spouse and I decided to wait until after the wedding to try again BUT ended up finding out I was pregnant again despite our efforts to wait. We are overjoyed about our new baby. When I told my friend, he just talked about my high risk and how it is foolish it was that we got pregnant and that him and his wife of 5 years would are making the decision to wait until they are financially equipped and would never having children in the near future. (My spouse and I are well equipped financially) I have been high risk with my pregnancy and still get triggers when I see pregnancy announcements even though I am currently pregnant and still coping from the loss of my first baby. My current child will be born before my wedding. Lastly, I received a message from him stating him and his wife are not coming to my wedding because his wife is pregnant. She is due the same month (almost the same day) as my wedding and same month as my current pregnancy. If it were anyone else, I would be overjoyed but this news creeped me out. It has made me want to keep my distance because I feel like I never get to shine in our friendship.

3 Comments

Latest activity by Rayanne, on March 15, 2022 at 15:26
  • Rayanne
    Master June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    It seems like they are also looking to keep distance from you, I would let them. Friendship should make you feel good. If at the end of the day they only bring negativity and frustration taking a step back may be in order. I'm not saying your friends need to agree with every decision you make but they should at least respect your decisions.
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  • KELLY
    Super October 2023 Ontario
    KELLY ·
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    I am sorry to hear about the issues you are having. You don't need this issue, since they have opted out of the wedding I would say you dodged a bullet. Enjoy the planning of your wedding and your pregnancy with your FH.

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  • A
    Super September 2022 Alberta
    Alyx ·
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    So sorry your going through this 🤍 to me it doesn’t sound like they are nice friends, even if you’ve known them a long time doesn’t give them a right to treat you this way.
    A true friend wouldn’t be making you feel this way in the first place!
    Sending love 🤍🤍
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