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Eartha
Devoted April 2017 Ontario

A little dilemma

Eartha, on February 23, 2017 at 08:36 Posted in Living together 0 23
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So I wanted to hear if anyone has experienced this...

As some of you may know, my FH and I are getting married in just 2 months.

We've moved out together for a year or so now. Recently, he got offered a new job, however his shift will now become 12pm - 8pm. My work schedule is 8am - 4pm so that completely screws up our daily schedule.

I'm not unhappy about his promotion to another job, however I really do dislike this late shift and change in our lives so close to our wedding and immediately after we get married.

Even though the promotion is such a good thing for our future, for his development, I just can't help but feel down that this is what our next year will look like... I wake up at 7 to go to work and he doesn't wake up to go to work until I have my lunch and dinner will now be around 830 to 930.

Has anyone experienced a similar situation and how did you handle it? Smiley atonished

23 Comments

Latest activity by Melissa, on August 29, 2017 at 04:14
  • Melissa
    Devoted November 2017 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    Hi Eartha!

    I understand your concern with the change in schedule, but you'll find a way to make it work!

    My FH and I both work shift work, I'm on 12 hour nights or days and he's on steady 2am to 10 am. He sleeps during the day when he's off, and I sleep opposite my shift, so there are times when we won't see each other for 36-48 hours, but it works! The first day off, we catch up and try and do things together around the farm.

    If I'm on nights, I'll often wit up after my shift until 11am when he gets home so that I can at least say hello and get a hug and a kiss!

    It's difficult, and some couple s never have to face working opposing schedules, but I think it helps you to value the time that you do have together all that much more!

    • Reply
  • Corina
    Frequent user March 2018 Ontario
    Corina ·
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    My fiance works shift work and we experience the same thing! We have been dealing with it for a few years, what I can say is yes it is difficult but you will get used to it! Some weeks we have to make sure to schedule some time together whenever we can fit it in, even if it is short it is worth it! Another thing, embrace having some time alone! It sucks that I dont get to see him every night but I make the most of it and take the time to take care of myself Smiley smile

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  • Salume
    Frequent user May 2020 Alberta
    Salume ·
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    Hi Eartha, It really sucks but you will find your own way to make it work.We are pretty much apart from each other for about 7 months a year while he's on a 3-5 week long shifts followed by a week off. For most of summer we only see each other for a few days every month. We talk everyday and spend as much time as we can for the week that we see each other. During winter we try to spend a lot of time together and make up for it but sometimes we end up on opposite schedules.Bottom line, it's very hard but it's possible. :-)

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  • Brenda
    Expert April 2018 Ontario
    Brenda ·
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    My fiancé and I have been engaged for a long time. For the past almostn5 urs he has worked out of province 2 weeks sometimes 3 and home 1. I take care of 2 special needs children and my 9 yr old while he's away. When he comes home we find time to share but it's not a lot usually it includes the kids. Set up some time and even though you both work different shifts make the most of the time and enjoy. It's definitely tough but as it goes absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Smiley smile
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  • Leah
    Frequent user April 2017 Quebec
    Leah ·
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    You will find a way to make it work. My FH often goes to work at 6 am the week that his kids are at their moms. I wake up at 7 am and he is long gone and I don,t see him again until 6 or 8 pm at night. We just have to make sure that the time we do have together is well spent. I teach and my school is 5 minutes away so I am gone from 8 am until 4:30 pm.

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  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
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    This is my life every single day with my fiance. I work 12 hour days or nights. When I'm on nights I sleep all day, he gets home just before I have to leave, we spend an hour together and then I'm gone all night. That's life.
    • Reply
  • Simone
    Master August 2017 Manitoba
    Simone ·
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    Your welcome Eartha. I meant to say to discuss planning on the weekend with FH if this works out better.
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  • Eartha
    Devoted April 2017 Ontario
    Eartha ·
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    Thanks Simone
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  • Simone
    Master August 2017 Manitoba
    Simone ·
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    Hi Eartha, our situation is similar but different from yours. I know what it's like as I have rotational shifts, I could work as early as 6:30 am in the morning and leave work as late as 7:30 pm. It's hard for us at times, since we live together and have to plan our activities. I would look at the ideas of wedding planning for the week and perhaps if it's easy to discuss it with you FH. Hope this helps.
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  • Eartha
    Devoted April 2017 Ontario
    Eartha ·
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    Thanks Katherine, I guess it's just all new territory for us and with the wedding coming up so closely, it's just stressing me out a little bit.

    I'm sure we will find a way to make it work

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  • Eartha
    Devoted April 2017 Ontario
    Eartha ·
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    Thanks Maegan. Time will help us adjust Smiley smile

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  • Maegan
    Super July 2018 British Columbia
    Maegan ·
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    I've been through the same thing Eartha. My FH used to work(with commute) 5;00am-4;30pm and I would work usually1:00pm-11:00 with commute. he would often be heading to bed just as I got home becuase he had to be up so early the next morning. I also worked every weekend so for a number of months we never had a day off together.

    We did this for a number of years, and when we weren't on this schedule we were living 4 hours apart so I could complete my university degree - 5 years between long distance and opposite schedules. Not going to lie... It really sucks, BUT you just make it work. It'll take some getting useed to, but you really do learn how to make the most of your time together and I found that we almost spent MORE quality time together on that schedule because we made a point of it than we do when we are on the same schedule.

    On the bright side, you do get to spend the rest of your lives together (yay!) so if this job will help you be more financially secure, or will lead to more opportunities later down the road then it is just a temporary obstacle that will leave you better off afterward Smiley smile

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  • Katherine
    Super September 2017 New Brunswick
    Katherine ·
    • Dispute
    I work on the road and am usually gone 3 days a week... Once we get to busy season I'll be gone two weeks at a time with three days home between tours... It does put strain on the relationship especially since neither of us are big phone people... We put up with it because we know it is not forever and the extra money now really puts us in a good position for the future... Compounding intrest is the bomb... When I come home the first day is for us, no friends or family just us.
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  • Chelsea
    Master August 2017 Ontario
    Chelsea ·
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    Oh for sure you will treasure that time together! I know any time I am with my fiance, I make the best of that time!

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  • Natasha
    VIP August 2017 Ontario
    Natasha ·
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    it does take some time ... to adjust to any new change in life ... I wish you all the best !

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  • Eartha
    Devoted April 2017 Ontario
    Eartha ·
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    Thanks Chelsea!
    I know it may seem like I'm not happy that he's got this promotion. I'm just more bummed out because of this late shift dilemma than anything. In a way, I see it as more money does not equal time lost together. BUT I also need to be supportive to him for this and will try and make things work.

    I'm sure it will take a while to adjust to everything but who knows, maybe this will allow us to treasure our time together even more Smiley winking

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  • Eartha
    Devoted April 2017 Ontario
    Eartha ·
    • Dispute

    Yeah what we've planned so far is that when I come home from work, I take short nap until he's off work so that I can stay up later with him through the night and won't be as tired when I get to work the next morning.

    We are also going to incorporate a movie night each week just so we can spend time during the times we are home together.

    Definitely going to need some adjustment period to make everything go smoothly Smiley smile

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  • Eartha
    Devoted April 2017 Ontario
    Eartha ·
    • Dispute

    Thanks Valerie. I am trying to stay positive with everything that's going on. It's just that I didn't expect to be going through this right before the wedding. Yes it's true that he will be able to go through with the appointments and all before work but now it's going to have to be done separately which is a challenge on its own.

    But one way of another, we will make it work Smiley smile

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  • Eartha
    Devoted April 2017 Ontario
    Eartha ·
    • Dispute

    Thanks for your input Natasha.

    I do support him but I guess I'm just not as overjoy about it as I should be Smiley amazing

    We definitely are going to try and adjust our schedule to accomodate these upcoming changes.

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  • Chelsea
    Master August 2017 Ontario
    Chelsea ·
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    Me and my FH work opposite shifts. I work overnights and he works days. He also works in Toronto and we live in Peterborough so he travels 4 hours a day on top of it. I also work every other weekend and so the only real time we get together is every other weekend when I am not working and sometimes I am with my friends as I want to see them as well. We have been doing this for about 4 years now, mainly for financial reasons. He is looking for other jobs out here and as soon as the wedding is done, I plan to find another job and quit where I am because the management is horrible there! You are definitely not alone and it is hard sometimes but you can always have a date night like Melissa suggested!

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  • Melissa
    VIP June 2017 Ontario
    Melissa ·
    • Dispute

    Aw, I'm both happy for you both, as a pomotion is a really exciting life event, and sad, because missing out on time together can be really trying!

    I can't say that I have experienced the same thing, other than my FH being away from home sometimes for work. When that happens we usually arrange a date night for a nice dinner when he comes home, so we can really sit together and "fill in" on what we missed in one anothers daily lives. Maybe you two could adopt this and make a special Sunday morning brunch as your special time to catch up on things you might have missed with the new schedule?

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  • Valerie
    VIP April 2017 Ontario
    Valerie ·
    • Dispute

    That sucks, but is also awesome! We haven't had this happen but with FH TIRELESSLY looking for a new job, we've discussed the possibility of something like this happening. I think it's ok to be bummed, but I think you'll find a new rhythm soon enough. Do you both still have weekends (or whatever days) off together? With wedding things, maybe just have a list of errands he can run in the day time (since so many things are open 9-5 it may make appointments more convenient), to things to do. As for dinner, I personally would never be able to eat that late every night, so I would probably end up taking turns of who cooks, some days have FH cook in the day and then you warm it up when you get home and some days you cook when you get home and just set a plate aside for FH for when he gets home.

    It's frustrating to have such a big change just before the wedding, just try not to let it stress you out and focus on the positives

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  • Natasha
    VIP August 2017 Ontario
    Natasha ·
    • Dispute

    My FH is always on the road and travels alot for work being a mobile crane operator , I sometimes dont see him for weeks or even a month at a time, it definalty is hard especially with planning a Wedding and even after wanting to grow our family ... but we make the most of it because he loves his job and it really makes him happy so I support him in every way that I can , we make the most of the time we have together when he is home, and then we make sure we text alot of call each other to make up for the lack of seeing each other face to face ... it definatly isnt the easiest .. but you compromise and make it work because you are a team and support each other in your dreams and goals.. including careers.

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