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Brittany
Devoted August 2019 Alberta

26 Days Left. stressed out

Brittany, on July 29, 2019 at 12:18 Posted in Before the wedding 0 11

I need to rant a little. Need some encouraging words.

We are officially under the 4 week mark, and I thought things were going great...


1st Issue:

I just got an email from my DOC. She has to have urgent surgery..

She is not sure if she will be recovered in time for my wedding. She is willing to refund my deposit.

Or have her husband step in for her. She assures me he has been her second hand on 80 % of her weddings.

This still makes me really nervous as taking direction, and taking charge are two different things. It's too late to find someone else.. I already checked. What would you do?


2nd Issue:

A few of our DIY projects that we had checked off our list now need to be redone/touched up.

Due to damages from them sitting in the shop, FH's dad accidentally dumping paint on one, and etc. :/

And we are running out of time.


3rd Issue:

My mom still doesn't know who she is bringing as a guest. She forced me to give her a plus one because "how would it look" when my dad is there with his new girlfriend. It makes me really nervous her just bringing some random... and I want to get my table cards and place cards done, and I can't because she has no idea what she is doing.


4th Issue: My dad told me today he doesn't want to come to the rehearsal dinner because he doesn't want to cause issues with my mom. :/


I was excited, and finally most of the stress has dissipated as I was making headway and crossing things off my list. And now I'm right back where I was and it's all compounding on me. I'm freaking out a little. Especially with the DOC stuff. I would just ask a friend or family.. but some of the stuff needs to be done during the ceremony and etc, and I don't want anyone having to miss that.

11 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on September 12, 2019 at 16:51
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    Oh man!! good luck girl!

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  • Lisa
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·
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    I'd maybe request a bit of a discount on the DOC if you go with the husband? I can appreciate that he helps her with many weddings, but ultimately you are not getting what you paid for. Totally understandable that surgery is outside of her control, but you still should see some relief for this change, too. Just my $0.02. Smiley smile

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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    I hear you with the family drama - I'm literally in the middle of it!

    I think as long as you are ok with your Dad not coming to the rehearsal, I would let that be. If you really want him there, stress to him that it is really important for you to have him there, regardless of how your Mom feels about it.

    Can you go ahead and make your place cards done? Not to be rude, but could you just say "guest"? Or let your mom know if she doesn't have a name for you to put down, as time is of the essence, you are just going to put guest.

    For your DIY projects, just try your best. If you have some bridesmaids/groomsmen who can take a day to help you out - that would be perfect.

    For your DOC, definitely request to meet with the husband, and her as well, if she can manage. So you can make sure you are all on the same page with your wedding.

    Wishing you positive vibes right now!

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  • Chelsea
    Super June 2020 Alberta
    Chelsea ·
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    I had the EXACT same issue with my mom at my
    grad. i told her no. too bad. my day, you don’t need a date. she was FURIOUS but got over it pretty quick. i said the same thing - i don’t want just anyone at my big day
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    1. I would request a meeting with the husband, just so he knows what your expectations are but in the end, I would go with him - especially if no one else is available. Also make sure he gets your DOC's notes about your wedding.

    2. That really sucks!! I'd also be feeling frustrated if that happened to me, but rally some peeps and get those touch-ups done!!

    3. I'd give your mom some tough love, and tell her she needs to let you know if she's bringing a plus one or not and GIVE THE NAME! You could always make a place card that says Plus One or (mother's name)'s guest. I think you have the right to be worried about her random too, my parents are together so this isn't a concern, but I know both will be busy during the wedding too, I'd imagine your mom would be too.

    4. Tell your dad to grow up!! It's important to you that he'd be there and if necessary, seat him away from your mom with others he knows. Also warn your mom accordingly and tell both that drama will not be tolerated.

    Again, I don't have separated parents so I don't have the greatest advice to deal with them, but they basically need to grow up and realize their behaviour is upsetting you (IMO). I'm sure they can tolerate 2 days of having to be aware of the other's presence.

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    1. I think I would be ok with her husband. If he has been there he has some idea, and he is married to her, so he will know her style and what is going on. Like the others have said, voice your concern about it, but I think you will be ok using him!

    2. Not fun at all! But you have caught it now, and you can for sure get them retouched or redone. Use all the hands you can get to help you Smiley smile

    3. I would give her until the end of the week to figure out her stuff, and then just use some tough love. You have to get your seating items done, and don't want to leave them to the last minute!

    4. I agree with both Tori and Becky. This day is about you, not them. Just don't sit them together, tell your Dad to keep his distance, end of story.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    For sure! I would request the meeting before agreeing.

    I defiantly understand the random part- I had someone who was part of the whole day who recently had a falling out in her engagement and I only gave plus ones to people in more than a year relationship- she now told me she was bringing a pof she met a week ago- now I am waiting till in person to tell her no...

    We have def all felt like we should have eloped at some point haha or at least I have!

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  • Brittany
    Devoted August 2019 Alberta
    Brittany ·
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    Thanks Becky! I didn't even think of requesting a meeting with him, but that makes a lot of sense. I met with her before I booked her.. so why shouldn't I have a sit down with him to make sure I get good vibes as well.


    Right?! I am so worried about her bringing a random. Not knowing how someone will behave when they get drunk, or what their views are on super things makes me super nervous. We have same sex couples in attendance, people from all walks of life, etc.. Plus she is not going to be able to entertain her guest the whole evening. She has responsibilities. Urgh it's so frustrating.


    I appreciate your response! I know it will be worth it... I am just slowly wishing we had ran away somewhere and eloped lol.

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  • Brittany
    Devoted August 2019 Alberta
    Brittany ·
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    Thank you for your advice. Yeah I think I am just going to tell my Dad to suck it up. There will be 25 other people there. I think he can make it through. It would be one thing if it was super small or intimate.. but I mean come on it's two days you have to be civil adults.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    1. I would speak to her and ask to set up meeting with him to re assure you he will work in place of her. Ask if she will be giving all her notes to him and he would be reading and etc like tori mentioned.

    2. FRUSTERATING! It happens but does still suck has to be done

    3. I would tell her if she doesn't know who her plus one is going to be at this point you will need to move on with finalizing your wedding and she doesn't get one. If she makes a stink then I would mention that weddings are intiment and you not knowing this plus one and she doesn't even won't give that vibe off. Also looks bad on her from bringing rando she doesn't know how he will act or behave.

    4. I would tell your dad this day is about you and you need him there with his support. You will have him seated away from your mom and you have told your mom how to behave.


    I am sorry all these last second things are happening but you can get through this and will be worth it!

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    1. I would mention to her that you are super concerned with going with her Husband but I would still use him. I'm sure that he would be able to call and ask her questions if he needed help. Maybe you could also see if the cost would be lower as he doesn't have her experience and expertise?

    2. Yikes, I'm sure it will be fine - YOU'VE GOT THIS!!!

    3. Time for tough love? Need to have at least met this person before the wedding no? If she still can't give that answer then maybe you could just let her know the place card with say "PLUS ONE" and that would look even worse than her not bringing somebody? (I don't think it would look bad but maybe that would get her to hurry her decision.)

    4. Reality check? This is about you and your wedding not about their issues. Don't sit them next to each other and remind them pettiness is not tolerated!

    Keep the end product in mind - marrying your best friend!!!

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