N
Newbie September 2022 Ontario

Anyone else's parents or family not financially contributing to wedding at all?

Nz, on February 25, 2021 at 12:02 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 21
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My fiancee and I crunched some numbers the other day after I've been spending the last week contacting venues and making spreadsheets for costs for every little thing for each place. Turns out with needed repairs to our house (just moved in last October and turns out the entire sewer line needs to be replaced, apparently the sellers "didnt know" and we can't prove they did) we can't afford any of the venues I wanted and got to excited for/started to dream of. We're probably gonna need to rent a hall and contract all the vendors ourselves, which is fine but I know will stress me out on the day of alot and won't be what I really wanted.

I read a few articles saying that only 1 in 10 couples pay for the whole wedding themselves without any family help, and most couples in Canada pay only on average 60% of their wedding costs themselves with the rest covered by family. Nobody in either of our families will be financially contributing, so I can't help but feel bitter about that even though I know we are so lucky in so many other ways.

Anyone else in the same boat, with parents not giving a cent to the wedding on any side? Anyone have creative fundraising ideas?

Thanks!

21 Comments

Latest activity by Megan, on May 14, 2021 at 09:48
  • Megan
    Frequent user July 2023 Ontario
    Megan ·
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    When we first got engaged there was the odd comment made about helping us pay for it by both sides. We were trying to budget so we ended up just going to both sets of parents and saying "no pressure, but we are just wondering what, if anything you would like to contribute". This also helped us because we were booking a venue and didn't want to make any decisions without them if they wanted to pay for that aspect. In the end my parents will be paying for my dress, photography and giving me money towards whatever we want, and my in-laws are paying for the open bar. The help is really appreciated but we don't feel entitled to it. I think sometimes it doesn't hurt to open up the conversation and just say you are creating a budget and are wondering where your family is at with everything.

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  • Tina
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Tina ·
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    That's exactly the plan Smiley smile I have a nice little contingency budget set aside.

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  • DrB
    Frequent user August 2018 Ontario
    DrB ·
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    If they won’t give you a number, plan your budget as if you aren’t getting any money from them at all. I say this because it is so so so easy to go over budget and their contribution can be a cushion for a little bit of overspending. If you don’t end up going over budget, great! The money can be used to reimburse yourself.
    • Reply
  • Tina
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Tina ·
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    We plan to mostly pay for it all ourselves. My mom passed 4 years ago, so I'm using some of the money she left for the wedding. My dad isn't really part of the picture, but he sent me some money out of guilt (he's not coming). My FH's parents really want to contribute and I think it'll be about 10% of the entire cost, which is really appreciated, but it's also a bit of a challenge, since I can't get them to give me a solid number. In a way, I'd prefer they not put any money towards it to get rid of the uncertainty, but his mom is insisting. It's making budgeting a challenge, to say the least. All in all, parents are going to give about 25% of the total costs, but that includes inheritance money.

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  • Sharlene
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Sharlene ·
    • Dispute
    We planned to pay it all ourselves. My parent did end up giving us some money, but we just kept it and put it towards to cost of our honeymoon.
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  • N
    Newbie September 2022 Ontario
    Nz ·
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    Thanks for all the comments everyone! This was a great eye opener for me, as I really thought families paid for alot of the wedding (every wedding I have been to and then reading the article). Good to know its not as common anymore!
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  • N
    Newbie September 2022 Ontario
    Nz ·
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    Thanks for all the comments everyone! This was a great eye opener for me, as I really thought families paid for alot of the wedding (every wedding I have been to and then reading the article). Good to know its not as common anymore!
    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute
    I paid for most of the wedding expenses as my husband didn't put much towards the end of it for some. My parents did help out though I never did ask them to in the first place. I do find most families don't help out financially. The only way is if its asked by the couple or offered to be fair for each child in the family.
    • Reply
  • Kara
    Frequent user June 2022 Ontario
    Kara ·
    • Dispute
    We are paying for our wedding. I would never ever expect my mother or his parents to pay for this...if they wanted to gift, of course, but nowadays I really don’t feel this should be an expectation- personally.
    • Reply
  • A-W
    Frequent user May 2021 Ontario
    A-W ·
    • Dispute
    My parent's aren't contributing financially, I didn't ask for expect them to. Josh's parents really wanted to help out but we had already planned within an amount that we knew we could save up for and feel comfortable spending on one day. They ended up paying part of the dinner costs so we would invite more extended family on their side. Some people do a stag and doe in Ontario, you could probably take advantage of an online stag and doe which may help fundraising. I have a friend doing an online trivia night where you can win giftcards for playing
    • Reply
  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
    • Dispute
    My fiancé’s parents have offered zero, zilch and zip to anything we’ve done (wedding, house, etc)


    My parents have contributed what they can and the rest we have paid for.
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
    • Dispute

    My fiance and I were planning on paying for our wedding ourselves. We had started planning and put deposits on everything when my MIL told us that she would be paying for the food and alcohol. My family isn't paying for anything except for my dress. Everything else my fiance and I are paying for out of our pockets. But at the same time we've been saving for this wedding for about 4 years now

    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Curious December 2021 Ontario
    Margaret ·
    • Dispute
    We are paying for our own wedding (we’ve never had any financial help with anything so we are used to it). We are using our savings, but we are blessed because my FH and I have good jobs so we can afford it.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Curious September 2021 Ontario
    Michelle ·
    • Dispute

    My (separated) parents aren't well-off, and aren't planning on giving us any gifts, let alone wedding funding. I'm okay knowing the financial situation with my family, but it's a lot of pressure when weddings are expected to be this whole big thing (that the bride's parents are supposed to pay for?), yet I've known for a long time we'd never be able to afford an elegant party for our Big Day.

    I see people who always wanted the big, beautiful wedding and while it's something you've dreamed of for who knows how long, it must be hard to bring that dream to reality and see what can actually be done.

    We're hoping to make a good chunk of our money back from the wedding in monetary gifts from our guests. You could ask for cash gifts at the wedding/bridal shower (if you're having a shower), host a virtual Jack and Jill type event? You could wait and save up yourself for the wedding you dreamed of, or get married sooner and have a simpler day?

    Whatever happens, I hope it works out, and I'm sure you'll have a beautiful wedding regardless Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Rayanne
    Featured January 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
    • Dispute
    We have had a 7 year engagement because we are paying for everything ourselves. I never would even ask my parents to help financially. It is beyond my realm of comprehension that anyone would expect that. I think I know one person, ever, out of anyone I know who has gotten married that their parents contributed a large amount of money.
    • Reply
  • DrB
    Frequent user August 2018 Ontario
    DrB ·
    • Dispute
    Our families did not contribute financially to our wedding. We chose a relatively expensive venue so we helped mitigate expenses by limiting our guest list. Wedding fundraisers weren’t our style, so we focused on having a wedding we could afford and did without some things we didn’t think were important (eg wedding cake, tons of flowers, etc) to shift the budget to things we did really want (bar, food, nice venue, transportation, etc).
    • Reply
  • Linda
    Frequent user April 2021 Ontario
    Linda ·
    • Dispute
    We're paying for or wedding all by ourselves. We planed to have a 50-person wedding before covid because we knew that would be affordable for us.


    Some people I know did a jack and Jill. It's a party where you pay for a ticket and usually can win prizes.
    • Reply
  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
    • Dispute
    We knew my parents were going to chip in a little, but my husband's parents hadn't expressed any plans to help. They ended up giving us cash as a wedding present so they helped in the end, but I couldn't budget for their help which was frustrating.


    We had always planned a budget friendly wedding, but covid definitely helped us cut costs. Now I'm even more keen on small weddings! Are you able to downsize to save money that you can direct to your home instead? Whether you cut a few guests, have fewer/less fancy centerpieces, or ditch the open bar you can stand to shave hundreds off your bill!
    • Reply
  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
    • Dispute

    I know in some provinces fundraising is pretty normal. In Manitoba people have socials and I've also heard of stag and doe parties in eastern provinces. Essentially the couple throws a big party and raffles off items to fundraise. I personally grew up in Alberta and now live in BC and the entire thing seems very weird to me and I think it would be considered very tacky and presumptuous here. But I have family members in places where it's the norm and that's how they were able to raise some money for their weddings. I've also seen people on WW from Ontario post about them so they can probably speak more to it. So if you live in an area where it's fairly normal and feel comfortable hosting that kind of party it could be an option.

    If that's off the table then I would revisit your finances and come up with a realistic budget for your wedding. Maybe you need to scale down your wedding or maybe you need to push it back 6 months or a year to save up more. You can also consider a cash bar or a second hand dress or other compromises to make your wedding work.

    • Reply
  • Patricia
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Patricia ·
    • Dispute
    Neither of our families are contributing. It sucks knowing that other people have huge financial contributions from their families. It’s hard because normally it is suggested not to look at venues over your budget but you thought you’d have the money. My advice is to have wiggle room in your budget- things will come up. Or consider maybe putting your wedding off a little longer to save more!?
    • Reply
  • Liberty
    Featured May 2022 Alberta
    Liberty ·
    • Dispute
    As of right now none of our parents have offered to help financially (and we have 4 sets of parents) we also have not asked them as it is our choice to get married and always just assumed if we get married it would be our responsibility to pay for it. We are DIYing the food ourselves and my Fiancés mom has agreed to make a side dish for us.
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